Behind the Mask: Embracing Growth and Authenticity
Many of our successes in life come after we've hit personal rock bottom, and that’s a key theme we’re diving into today.
We chat with Jessy Marsh, who bravely shares her journey from wearing a mask of happiness while feeling lost inside, to embracing her authentic self. She reflects on how hitting a low point pushed her to confront her struggles and the importance of self-care, especially as a mom.
Jessy’s story highlights the growth we can achieve when we start to live authentically, and how that journey can inspire others. Join us as we explore the transformative power of vulnerability and the steps we can take to support ourselves and each other in our healing processes.
From the outset, Jessy reflects on her past struggles, highlighting the contrast between her external appearance and internal feelings of chaos. The dialogue delves into the critical realization that many people, particularly women, often feel pressured to maintain a façade of perfection, even when they are struggling.
Jessy's journey takes center stage as she discusses the pivotal changes in her life over the past year, including her commitment to therapy and her decision to prioritize self-care. This episode underscores the importance of recognizing and addressing mental health issues, particularly for those who often put others' needs before their own.
As the conversation unfolds, Jessy shares her aspirations to become a life coach, focusing on empowering women to embrace their vulnerabilities and authenticity. The episode concludes with a powerful message about the importance of sharing our experiences to foster connection and understanding, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own journeys and the masks they may wear in their lives.
Overall, it’s a profound reminder of the strength found in vulnerability and the importance of community support.
Takeaways:
- Many successes in life often come after we've faced personal rock bottoms, which can help us grow stronger.
- It's important to take off the mask we wear to show the world we're okay, as it hides our struggles.
- Living authentically means prioritizing our own happiness over others' opinions and expectations, which can be liberating.
- The journey of healing and growth can be accelerated by being intentional about self-care and personal development.
You can connect with Jessy on her website at: https://lotusandlightcoaching.my.canva.site
& her social platforms at:
FB: https://www.facebook.com/jessymarsh44
Lotus & Light FB Page:
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61578010896640
The music in this video is copyrighted and used with permission from Raquel & The Joshua 1:8 project © 2025 All Rights Reserved. All rights to the music are owned by Raquel & The Joshua 1:8 project © 2025 All Rights Reserved. You can contact Raquel at https://YourGPSForSuccess.Net
Transcript
I've walked through fire with shadows on my heels Scars turned to stories that taught me to feel lost in the silence found in the flame now wear my battle cry without shame this, this isn't the end it's where I begin A soul that remembers the fire within.
Speaker B:Welcome back to another episode of a Warrior Spirit brought to you by Praxis33.
Speaker B:I'm your host, Darrell Snow.
Speaker B:Let's dive in.
Speaker B:Many of our successes in life come after we've hit personal rock bottom.
Speaker B:And often that's a season where we look like we have it all together, but inside, we're exhausted, feel disconnected and drowning in silence.
Speaker B:And like many people, my guest today wore the mask well, smiling on the outside and unraveling on the inside.
Speaker B:I spoke with my guest about a year ago.
Speaker B:Jesse has been kind enough to come back and reshare her arc, and I just appreciate you doing this, Jesse, and thank you and welcome back to the show.
Speaker A:Hi.
Speaker A:Thanks for having me back.
Speaker B:Last time we talked, we talked about how you were coming out of your own trouble and pain, blessed by love, which kind of pulled you through.
Speaker B:You mentioned just a few minutes ago, before we turned on the camera, that you went back and watched that episode from a year ago.
Speaker B:Can you describe who that person was versus who today is?
Speaker A:Yeah, it's so first, I want to say, even from a year ago, it feels like a lifetime ago.
Speaker A:And I love, like, your intro and everything.
Speaker A:It just, like, hit me.
Speaker A:I was like, oh, I love it.
Speaker A:But I was like, man, it feels like such a long time ago.
Speaker A:Let me, like, go back and watch it and kind of, you know, see where we were, what we had talked about.
Speaker A:I couldn't even make it through the whole thing because it was the most uncomfortable.
Speaker A:Like, it was like watching a stranger talk about my life.
Speaker A:Clearly, I knew it was me and it was, you know, I thought I was on, like, the up and up coming out of the darkness, and I was.
Speaker A:And not to, like, devalue that at all, but there was something you said because I kind of skipped ahead because I was like, ah, this is.
Speaker A:It was so weird.
Speaker A:And I don't know how to explain it, but that version of me seems like she hasn't existed for a very long time.
Speaker A:So to think that it was only about a year ago is, like, mind blowing.
Speaker B:It is amazing how far we come, though.
Speaker B:If we.
Speaker B:If we do take our steps and we do turn around and look, it's like, wow.
Speaker B:Even on my growth trajectory, which is what you were on when we first spoke Even on my growth trajectory, at some point it becomes exponential and just boom, magnifies.
Speaker B:And that's, you know, amazing it can be condensed in such a short period of time when we're actually doing the work.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So that's what I was going to say is.
Speaker A:So I had fast forwarded like, closer to the end.
Speaker A:And I think you had asked me like, well, you know, what resources or tools are you using to focus on yourself?
Speaker A:Because, you know, we have five daughters between the two of us, me and my husband.
Speaker A:And you know, I was the sole.
Speaker A:The default parent, like, all the things.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, well, you know, I'm in therapy.
Speaker A:And I had admitted, like, I wasn't really even taking therapy serious.
Speaker A:Which is awful to say because I'm also, since then, I'm almost done my graduate program now and for mental health counseling.
Speaker A:Um, but I was like, oh my gosh, that was such a, like, profound question because looking back at that version of myself, I wasn't doing any of the things I would have told somebody else to do.
Speaker A:Um, I wasn't taking care of myself in the ways that I am now.
Speaker A:I wasn't, you know, I had to physically take a schedule and pencil in like 15 minutes of self care.
Speaker A:That was a homework assignment.
Speaker A:And, you know, my therapist would get so mad at me.
Speaker A:I said this in the last video.
Speaker A:At one point she was like, listen, if you're not going to do the work and I love you, I gladly will keep you as a client because your insurance pays good, but we're not going to get anywhere.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, okay, like, I'll start taking it serious.
Speaker A:But then also, a lot has changed since the last time we talked.
Speaker A:My husband actually got a job offer and we relocated.
Speaker A:So we no longer live in Delaware either.
Speaker A:We moved to South Carolina and it was.
Speaker A:It kind of forced me to sit with myself, by myself for myself.
Speaker A:Because we moved down here and he.
Speaker A:Within a month or two actually took a promotion.
Speaker A:Well, got a promotion.
Speaker A:And he is a global EHS director.
Speaker A:Like, he has all of the plants in the world basically for his company.
Speaker A:So he.
Speaker A:We moved down here and we came on a Friday.
Speaker A:He.
Speaker A:He flew to France that following Monday.
Speaker A:And so I spent a lot of time by myself because the kids were in school.
Speaker A:And it kind of forced me to actually do the work.
Speaker A:And so since then, there's a lot that I do now that looking back at that version that spoke to you a year ago, she was not doing.
Speaker B:When did you.
Speaker B:When you.
Speaker B:Not only when you look back at the video because that's obviously, like irrefutable.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:This is who I was.
Speaker B:But in your own progress, in your own work, when did you realize that you were still wearing your mask?
Speaker A:I think when.
Speaker A:I mean, I think I knew.
Speaker A:I just don't think I was in a place that, like, I wanted to admit it because I was doing better.
Speaker A:And I wanted, you know, everyone to think that, you know, I had my shit together, excuse my language.
Speaker A:Like, I didn't want to be the person that was like a mess.
Speaker A:And I don't know what happened specifically, but I got to a point where my husband and I were talking one day and I was just like, I don't care.
Speaker A:I don't care about social media.
Speaker A:I don't care what people think about us.
Speaker A:I don't, like, I just don't care.
Speaker A:I want to live in a way that makes us happy, that our kids are happy, that our in our home relationships are the best they can be.
Speaker A:And so something in that just like hit a switch for me.
Speaker A:And I like, genuinely.
Speaker A:I had workout clothes on before I got on this call and I wasn't even going to change my shirt because I was just like, I don't, I don't care.
Speaker A:Like, but then I was like, okay, but also like, maybe I should be a little dressed up.
Speaker A:But like, I just don't.
Speaker A:I don't let social media or people's lives, like, date dictate how I feel about mine.
Speaker A:And it is the most freeing experience.
Speaker A:And it's like, you know, even our kid, we have a 15 year old and, you know, she's in high school and kids are mean and she'll come home and tell us about something that happened.
Speaker A:And I'll be like, but does it affect you, Jay?
Speaker A:Her name's Jordan.
Speaker A:Like, does it affect you, Jordan?
Speaker A:And she's like, no.
Speaker A:And I'm like, then why do you care, baby?
Speaker A:Like, genuinely, does it affect you?
Speaker A:Does it affect somebody you care about?
Speaker A:And she's like, no.
Speaker A:And I've said it enough times now that she'll tell us something.
Speaker A:She's like, but it didn't bother me.
Speaker A:I'm just telling you in case, like, it comes up or you hear about it.
Speaker A:And I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker A:Our six year old, she is the sweetest, biggest girly girl, girl's girl.
Speaker A:Like, she'll hype anybody up, but then if she doesn't like something, she is very quick to vocalize it.
Speaker A:Not in a mean way, not.
Speaker A:She's like, no, thank you.
Speaker A:I don't like that.
Speaker A:I don't want to play that or I don't want to do that.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:She does not care.
Speaker A:Like, you can't bully her into doing something she doesn't want to do.
Speaker A:And I wish that that was the version of me that I was like from the beginning.
Speaker A:So I can't explain what exactly happened, but it was just like, well, when.
Speaker B:We take off, and this is what I try to help my clients with all the time too.
Speaker B:When you start living your authentic life, it's not relevant what other people think of you.
Speaker B:It's relevant what you think of you.
Speaker B:And you know, my father, obviously I'm way older than you and my dad told me some of these things way prior to social media, but he used to always say, is it going to matter five years from now?
Speaker B:If it doesn't, why are you holding on to it?
Speaker B:You know, is it something you can change?
Speaker B:Then why are you upset about it?
Speaker B:You know, and I, I wish I had listened to that, you know, growing up.
Speaker B:And I think your kids are going to be so much healthier because they are okay being themselves and they're okay just being.
Speaker B:Your opinion of my being doesn't matter to my life.
Speaker B:And that is, you know, it's not that people want you to become arrogant or self centered or narcissistic, but they want authenticity.
Speaker B:And that means you don't give a what other people think about you.
Speaker B:You know, as long as you're not out hurting children and animals and you're just living your life, it doesn't matter.
Speaker B:Live your life.
Speaker B:You know, if you'd have showed up in, in sweats and you know, hair pulled back because you just got.
Speaker B:I don't care.
Speaker B:You know, we're going to still talk about your story and your message is still going to get out there, right?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, so it is freeing and it is something that really needs to be addressed earlier in life.
Speaker B:Because then when you get my age, it's like really hard to then, you know, fall back and change.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:And it's something that, like, you know, I even tell the girls, like when we're talking, I'm like, well, hey, this is, I'm still guilty of this.
Speaker A:So like, I'm telling you not to do this, but I just want you to know, like, it's natural.
Speaker A:Like, you know, jealousy and like comparison are the thief of joy.
Speaker A:But it's easy to see somebody post something on social media and be like, oh, that looks so cool, or that looks nice.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:But also, like, they probably didn't pay their rent or their mortgage to be able to, like, afford that.
Speaker A:So, no, we're not taking massive trips right now.
Speaker A:But that's because we're setting ourselves up for a better life and we'll go on a trip next year.
Speaker A:Like, you know, it's just those types of things.
Speaker A:It's easy to, like, tell them not to do them.
Speaker A:But like you said, I've spent my whole life doing it.
Speaker A:I'm like, I didn't figure this out until I was in my 30s.
Speaker A:Like, I can't expect you to not do it.
Speaker A:But they also are growing up in a much different scenario than we did.
Speaker A:Like, I don't know how old you are.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:Social media wasn't really a thing until, like, right after I graduated high school.
Speaker A:Actually, it was like, a couple years after and, like, my space was still the thing.
Speaker A:So we didn't.
Speaker A:Thankfully, we didn't have social media like they do now.
Speaker A:And so, you know, they're posting things on.
Speaker A:On social media, and I'm like, take it down.
Speaker A:You know, that's.
Speaker A:You don't want somebody years from now to be able to bring that back.
Speaker A:Because, like you said, does the topic matter to you?
Speaker A:Will it matter to you in five years?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:But the stuff you put out there will be tied to you forever.
Speaker A:And you look at some of these celebrities that have said some pretty awful things, that.
Speaker A:That's not who they are now, but they're being held to that from their past.
Speaker A:And, you know, that's a.
Speaker A:It's a really good conversation to have with the kids.
Speaker A:But it's also really hard because I do think people change.
Speaker B:They should.
Speaker A:I feel like that's a walking testament to that.
Speaker A:But it's, you know, it's really hard to balance that with them because of the society that they're growing up in.
Speaker B:Yeah, our social media was bonfires and a kegger out in the woods, or the cars, you know, going around in circle, taking our muscle cars and, you know, driving around the loop.
Speaker B:You know, that was.
Speaker B:Our social media.
Speaker A:Things were great.
Speaker B:Yeah, that was.
Speaker B:They were much simpler, for sure.
Speaker B:You know, I heard.
Speaker B:I didn't hear it.
Speaker B:I read a quote from Warren Buffett just before we even came on.
Speaker B:He said, the.
Speaker B:The cars and the jewelry and the houses don't indicate how much money you have.
Speaker B:They indicate how much money you've spent.
Speaker B:That's a very different way to look at.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker A:It's so true, though.
Speaker B:Yeah, we.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker B:We Try to impress.
Speaker B:And we shouldn't.
Speaker B:But you took your.
Speaker B:You took your path a little further.
Speaker B:You didn't just decide to go and get your master's degree, right?
Speaker B:You.
Speaker B:You also decided, hey, I live in a new town where I don't know anyone.
Speaker B:I'm just coming out of my own realization.
Speaker B:So I think I'll help other mothers.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:What.
Speaker B:What made that your.
Speaker B:Your niche?
Speaker A:So it's actually really funny.
Speaker A:So clearly I am going to school and working on my coursework part, and I start my practicum in February.
Speaker A:And I'm very excited about it.
Speaker A:I've still.
Speaker A:I don't think I've ever been so sure of anything in my life.
Speaker A:Like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker A:But I actually, about three months ago, I started going to a new gym.
Speaker A:So also, since we met last, I have my birthday actually of it's in December.
Speaker A: ,: Speaker A:I was going to be intentional about my health, my physical health, my mental health, our financial health, my relationships health, like, all the things we don't do, resolutions.
Speaker A:But my word for the year is intentional.
Speaker A:And so in doing that, I had been going to the gym.
Speaker A:I had pretty bad experience at the gym that I was at.
Speaker A:And so I accidentally found the gym that I currently go to, and it was like the universe heard me and was like, this is what you need.
Speaker A:So since starting there, I've gotten back to, like, losing weight.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:You know, it's a smaller gym, but everyone in there is supportive and happy.
Speaker A:And I was on the treadmill one day and this random lady who I had.
Speaker A:I had seen her a couple times, but I also, as friendly and happy as I am, I put my headphones on and I'm like, so serious in the gym.
Speaker A:And I have rbf, so if I'm not thinking about it, I probably look intimidating.
Speaker A:But she was like.
Speaker A:Like, I could see her walking next to me and I was running and I had finished, and I was like.
Speaker A:I took one headphone off and I was like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker A:I'm sure I sounded like I was dying.
Speaker A:I haven't run in a couple weeks, like.
Speaker A:And she was like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:Actually, I was just to tell you, like, I see you in here and you motivate the hell out of me.
Speaker A:Like, you're doing so good.
Speaker A:Like, I see you all the time.
Speaker A:And I was just like, oh, my gosh so then we just started talking, and, you know, she went about her business, left that day.
Speaker A:I came back the next day.
Speaker A:She was there.
Speaker A:I got on the treadmill next to her, and I was like, hey, how you doing?
Speaker A:Like, she was like, oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:Yay.
Speaker A:My friend's here.
Speaker A:I want to introduce you.
Speaker A:And the three of us were standing in the front of the gym, which I don't ever do.
Speaker A:I don't go and, like, socialize, which was part of why I joined this specific gym, because it seems like the type of people I wanted to meet.
Speaker A:And we're having a conversation, and about five minutes in, her friend is like, I can't wait until you're a therapist.
Speaker A:I am gonna come see you.
Speaker A:And I'm like, okay, well, that's kind of a problem now, because we just made plans to go get coffee, and I can't be friends with you and your therapist.
Speaker A:And then the original lady.
Speaker A:I'm gonna call her H. I don't want to put their names out there, but she's like, you know, you don't have to wait.
Speaker A:You could be, you know, like, our coach.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And then we also really love the gym that we're in, and the gym owner is fantastic.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:She has been a whole different light in my life since I've met her, indirectly and unintentionally on her part, but she very quickly was like, not.
Speaker A:Not like a personal trainer, because they do that at the gym.
Speaker A:And I was like, no, no, no.
Speaker A:I'm not even, like, certified.
Speaker A:Like, I just like working out.
Speaker A:And she's like, no, no, no.
Speaker A:I mean, like a life coach.
Speaker A:And I came home that, like, we kind of laughed it off and, you know, went about our business, and I went to work out, and I was on the treadmill, and I do some of my best thinking when I'm at the gym.
Speaker A:And then I got home, and I, like, in passing, I think, said something to my husband, like, that day, and I was like, it's not a bad idea, because I could work with people that maybe can't afford therapy or maybe have, like, a weird stigma around therapy or, you know, so be it.
Speaker A:And so I.
Speaker A:That happened.
Speaker A:Weeks went by.
Speaker A:I did nothing.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:It just kind of, like, passed.
Speaker A:I saw the women a couple more times.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:I also have a very busy life, especially when my husband's not here.
Speaker A:So we didn't get coffee for, like, two weeks.
Speaker A:It took forever.
Speaker A:So we got coffee, and she's like, have you thought about it?
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, shoot, you were serious?
Speaker A:Oh, I mean, yes, but no.
Speaker A:Like, so then we were talking and I was just like, well, what would you.
Speaker A:Like, what.
Speaker A:What would you be looking for?
Speaker A:Like, let me see if it's even in, like, my wheelhouse that I could help you.
Speaker A:And she was like, absolutely.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker A:And then she's just like, I need, like, the mindset.
Speaker A:Your mindset.
Speaker A:Everything you say, like, isn't like a fake put on.
Speaker A:Everything is happy.
Speaker A:But you will say, like, that really sucks.
Speaker A:How about let's try and you'll switch it.
Speaker A:And it's so positive.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, that.
Speaker A:It takes work, though.
Speaker A:Like, that's.
Speaker A:It doesn't come naturally.
Speaker A:That's something I've had to work very hard for.
Speaker A:And she's like, right, I want to learn how to.
Speaker A:And I was like, I could help you with that, you know?
Speaker A:And then she said something else, and I was just like, oh, for the love of God, I could do this.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:So I asked her if she would be like my guinea pig and I would test it with her and we'll, you know, I would have to figure out what that looks like.
Speaker A:And so then in the meantime, I had a meeting with Karen Mays.
Speaker A:I don't know if you know her, but if not, you should absolutely have a conversation with her.
Speaker A:She is amazing.
Speaker A:But we were meeting about something else, and I mentioned it to her and she was like, okay, so when are you going to launch this business?
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, I don't.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:And she was like, all right, pick a date.
Speaker A:And we were on Zoom like this.
Speaker A:And I was like, okay.
Speaker A:And I gave her a date.
Speaker A:And sure enough, that date rolled around and she messaged me and was like, hey, I haven't seen anything on social media yet.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, no.
Speaker A:So I literally.
Speaker A:Then I messaged her and I said, okay.
Speaker A:In my defense, I have come up with a name for it.
Speaker A:It's Lotus and Light.
Speaker A:And the meaning behind it for me is that I want to be the light that helps someone get to the end of the dark tunnel that they're in.
Speaker A:Period.
Speaker A:The lotus for me is such a beautiful flower and it can bloom from such muddy, muc.
Speaker A:Gross places that I feel like I've never aligned with something so much in my life.
Speaker A:And I just feel like the chapter of my life that I'm in right now is this beautiful, full bloomed flower.
Speaker A:Blue Mean.
Speaker A:Because it's still.
Speaker A:I'm still working on everything, but Blooming flower that has come from such muddy, mucky water that it was perfect.
Speaker A:And I don't know why, but I was just like, that's the name.
Speaker A:So I told her, I said, well, I have a name.
Speaker A:Tomorrow morning, I will send you a few logo ideas.
Speaker A:Like, I'll get your opinion about it and we'll work towards it.
Speaker A:And she was like, okay, I'll check in tomorrow if I haven't heard from you.
Speaker A:And I was like, okay, great.
Speaker A:And I knew she meant it.
Speaker A:So that night, I was up in my room, and my husband and I, we love 7:30, right?
Speaker A:We love our kids dearly.
Speaker A:We parent so hard.
Speaker A:But at 7:30, when they go to their own spaces and it's like downtime for them, that's our jam.
Speaker A:We get in bed, we watch cooking shows, we hang out in the game room, like, whatever it is.
Speaker A:And that night, he was like, you.
Speaker A:You okay?
Speaker A:And I was like, yeah, I'm.
Speaker A:I'm sorry.
Speaker A:I'm working on something really quick.
Speaker A:Like, I'm gonna need your opinion in a few minutes.
Speaker A:And he's like, okay, cool.
Speaker A:So then I sent him.
Speaker A:Sitting right next to him, I sent him, like, 13 different logos.
Speaker A:And he's like, what is this?
Speaker A:And I'm like, so remember what I was telling you about, like, a couple weeks ago?
Speaker A:And he's like, yeah, we hadn't talked about it since.
Speaker A:And I was like, I need help picking a logo.
Speaker A:And he was like, oh, okay.
Speaker A:And he's.
Speaker A:God love him, he's the most supportive.
Speaker A:Like, I could tell him I was going to, like, paint rocks for a living.
Speaker A:And he was like, you need.
Speaker A:I'll go find some for you.
Speaker A:Like, I love him, but he is sometimes so supportive to a flaw.
Speaker A:And so sometimes, you know, I need a Karen to step in and hold me accountable.
Speaker A:And, you know.
Speaker A:But so that night, he picked out his top three.
Speaker A:I sent the top five to my mom, and I sent the top five that.
Speaker A:Of my choices to my mom, my best friend, and somebody else.
Speaker A:I can't remember who the other person was.
Speaker A:And I was like, hey, tell me your top two.
Speaker A:Everyone picked the same one as their top one.
Speaker A:And I was like, that's it.
Speaker A:That was my top one.
Speaker A:Literally, everybody picked the same one.
Speaker A:So that's the logo that I have.
Speaker A:It's super basic, but it was.
Speaker B:I'm gonna bring it up.
Speaker B:Yeah, no, I'm gonna bring it up.
Speaker B:It's right there.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So it's for me.
Speaker A:And so then.
Speaker A:Sorry to go back and answer your Question.
Speaker A:I realized, you know, when I was talking to Karen, she was like, so you just want to be a life coach?
Speaker A:And I was like, no, I want to specifically.
Speaker A:I want to work with women.
Speaker A:I want to work with moms, specifically stepmoms.
Speaker A:And I honestly would really like to work with teenage girls, which is what I'm trying to specialize in.
Speaker A:My counseling practice is teenagers and children.
Speaker A:But specifically for Lotus and Light, I was like, I think women, specifically, we are at a place where, like, we need more girls.
Speaker A:Girls.
Speaker A:We need more authentic.
Speaker A:I do not have all my stuff together, but I can step in and support you.
Speaker A:And, hey, I might have, you know, an organizational tip that'll help make your mornings less stressful.
Speaker A:Or, you know, we just.
Speaker A:We don't do that.
Speaker A:We pretend like everything is fine.
Speaker A:And so I knew that that's what I wanted to do.
Speaker A:And so the logo having the women's face in it was very specific for me because, again, the lotus speaks to me so much.
Speaker A:But I was like, how do I make it?
Speaker A:I don't want to make it, like, so feminine that, like, people don't take it serious.
Speaker A:And that's where the blue came from.
Speaker A:And then I was like, but also, I want it to be very specific that women are my ideal clients.
Speaker B:And so this also shows that you don't.
Speaker B:I mean, you know, part of the intro, I told you, you know, when we're wearing that mask, we're exhausted, we're disconnected, and we feel like we're drowning in silence.
Speaker B:This logo, because you do have two faces in it, shows you're not alone.
Speaker B:There's others here with you, and together we can get out of it.
Speaker B:So your logo, I love that.
Speaker A:I never even thought of that.
Speaker A:So for me, faces, the fact that they're, like, slightly off was the fact of, like, you know, you can be.
Speaker A:So the blue one is supposed to be.
Speaker A:Is like, you know, the strong.
Speaker A:You know, I've got it all.
Speaker A:I'm doing the best I can.
Speaker A:But then the pink is just kind of the softer, like.
Speaker A:Yes, But I'm also, like, I'm taking care of me.
Speaker A:I'm, you know, I'm working.
Speaker A:I'm.
Speaker A:I'm doing the best that I can, you know, and it's just kind of them coming together.
Speaker A:But I never even thought about the fact that, like, you're not alone.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, you know, interpretation, I guess.
Speaker B:The other thing on here, you have counselor in training and trauma informed coach.
Speaker B:What is that part of what you're doing?
Speaker B:And by the way, if Someone goes back and watches the episode from a year ago to now, not only do you notice a difference, but physically, not just from your working out, but just because you're resting.
Speaker B:Bitch face isn't is resting.
Speaker A:I mean, you're not wrong.
Speaker A:Overall, I am just a happier person person.
Speaker B:And so I know, yeah, it definitely shows.
Speaker B:So what's the counselor and training?
Speaker B:Trauma informed coach?
Speaker A:So the counselor in training was just.
Speaker A:Because I didn't want anyone to be confused about the fact that, you know, Lotus and Light is not going to be counseling per se.
Speaker A:You know, I wanted it to be very clear that like, I am a counselor in training and that'll be a completely different practice.
Speaker A:The trauma informed coach is, you know, something that I talked about in one of my lives.
Speaker A:Like, so when Lotus and Light launched, you know, I had people asking a bunch of questions and I was like, honestly, I have spent, in the last year, I have spent so much time and money and effort to take a bunch of trauma like courses and workshops.
Speaker A:And you know, I've done the work, literally, it's called the Work by Byron Katie.
Speaker A:Like, I've done all of these things that prior to this, I, I couldn't afford them.
Speaker A:I couldn't justify spending the money.
Speaker A:I couldn't take the time away from my family.
Speaker A:I couldn't, you know, all of these things.
Speaker A:And so for me, I'm like, I. I've walked the walk now.
Speaker A:Let me help you.
Speaker A:You know, there might still be something that we might need for you to go to a therapist or you might need medical help that I can't provide to you.
Speaker A:But I have taken several trauma informed workshops and classes.
Speaker A:And it's one of the certificates that I already have the credentials for, but I can't actually put it after my name until I have my counselor license.
Speaker A:So it's like I.
Speaker A:It is something that is very passionate to me because in the last year the work that I've done showed me that I hadn't dealt with, I hadn't healed from.
Speaker A:I hadn't, you know, squashed the traumas that I had been through.
Speaker A:I think I was just kind of skating by and I was, you know, I was.
Speaker A:Like I said earlier, I was better.
Speaker A:And so I was happy about that.
Speaker A:But now, you know, as I've gotten, I've gotten to a place now where like, if something happens, I'm like, oh my God, that was a trigger.
Speaker A:And then I can tell you exactly what it was a trigger from, what it trig, what feelings it triggered in me.
Speaker A:Like all of the things.
Speaker A:And it is like, sometimes it's annoying, you know, because I can't be just like a normal person.
Speaker A:And I'm not sad about that.
Speaker A:I said that and I was like, that is not what I meant.
Speaker A:But for example, this.
Speaker A:We had a house fire that had happened prior to us talking last time, But I don't know that we talked about it too, too much.
Speaker A:But this week, our fire alarms went off in the house at 6am not our alarms are set, like to wake up.
Speaker A:Alarms are set for 6, 20.
Speaker A:So it was before any of us were up.
Speaker A:It was terrifying.
Speaker A:We all woke up.
Speaker A:I had to reset everyone's morning, you know, because we weren't even at the house when the fire happened.
Speaker A:Thankfully, it was just my husband and our oldest daughter.
Speaker A:But when it happened, Paxton, our six year old, comes busting out of her room.
Speaker A:I jumped up out of bed and I'm like running through the house.
Speaker A:I'm like, just go downstairs.
Speaker A:Just go by the front door.
Speaker A:If I yell, you need to go outside.
Speaker A:And she's like, terrified.
Speaker A:She's like, okay.
Speaker A:And I'm like, jordan, I'm like, go downstairs with your sister.
Speaker A:Like, I go through and I'm like, nothing.
Speaker A:Nothing's wrong.
Speaker A:What the heck happened?
Speaker A:And so then I remember, like, our neighbor across the street said it had happened to her like two months ago and it was a battery.
Speaker A:So then I'm like, guys, it's fine.
Speaker A:Like, everyone just like, calm down.
Speaker A:And then I was like, you can't just tell somebody to calm down.
Speaker A:First of all, that's just.
Speaker A:It doesn't work, right?
Speaker B:It doesn't work.
Speaker A:It does not work.
Speaker A:In fact, most of the time it makes things worse.
Speaker A:So I was like, all right, how about this?
Speaker A:Patsy, I know you didn't have to shower this morning, but we're gonna shower, okay?
Speaker A:Mommy's gonna shower.
Speaker A:You can lay in my bed and watch Rise of Red or she's really into the K Pop Demon Hunter movie that all kids are into right now.
Speaker A:And she's like, okay.
Speaker A:And so I put that on for her.
Speaker A:I showered and I was just like, it's okay, you know, And I'm talking to myself.
Speaker A:I'm doing like my normal, like, pep talk, so to speak, but it's just like me shifting my mindset and.
Speaker A:And then it probably took the whole time I was in the shower for my blood pressure and my heart rate to go back down and like all the things.
Speaker A:And so then I get her in the shower and, you know, by the time we Got done.
Speaker A:I went out and I checked, and Jordan was getting ready to go out to catch a bus.
Speaker A:And I'm like, hey, are you okay?
Speaker A:Like, you good?
Speaker A:And she was like, yeah, that was weird.
Speaker A:Like, thankfully, it was just the battery, but, like, that was scary to wake up to.
Speaker A:I'm like, yeah, it was like, let's just get some breakfast and, like, I'll take you to school.
Speaker A:And we'll.
Speaker A:When we go, because she normally catches the bus, because they start school within 10 minutes of each other, and it's a disaster in the mornings.
Speaker A:But so I was like, you know what?
Speaker A:This is one of those days.
Speaker A:Like, it's cool.
Speaker A:We're just going to reset.
Speaker A:So by the time we got everyone to school, everyone was fine.
Speaker A:And it was like, you know, I dropped the last one off, and I was just like, okay, we're going to go to the gym now.
Speaker A:We're just going to Whatever tension's left.
Speaker A:We're gonna go work out.
Speaker A:And then we went about the day like normal.
Speaker A:But the old me, that would have been like, the day would have been ruined.
Speaker B:But that's the important part of what you're talking about, is learning to regulate your nervous system and handle your emotions in a way that they don't handle you.
Speaker B:It's okay to have them, it's okay to feel them, it's okay to acknowledge them, but you don't let them control you.
Speaker B:You control them.
Speaker B:And whatever it takes to reset that nervous system back to normal is what you do.
Speaker B:And if it takes an hour, it takes an hour.
Speaker B:If it takes five minutes, it takes five minutes, whatever it is, for that individual person.
Speaker B:But you don't just let it control the whole rest of your day because there was no need for it to control the day, control the moment.
Speaker B:And then you pass that same knowledge on to your children, which is super amazing.
Speaker B:And on this slide, you had one other thing.
Speaker B:The gd, the Gita.
Speaker B:Easy for me to speak.
Speaker B:Gwl Virtual solutions.
Speaker B:I love the logo.
Speaker B:As a graphic designer, that one really, I really enjoy.
Speaker B:But what was that one?
Speaker A:So it's funny that you say that, because the picture this is.
Speaker A:You probably can't see it well, and it's upside down.
Speaker A:Of course.
Speaker A:Actually, Kevin's oldest daughter.
Speaker A:Oh, there you go.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker A:And so this was the actual drawing.
Speaker A:And I had somebody that does graphic design take it, and we kind of tweaked it just a little bit, but that was my business that I had previously.
Speaker A:I still have a couple clients, but I don't talk about it now that I'm in school and stuff like that, but I do like administrative stuff basically.
Speaker A:But the picture actually came from, you know, after I was in a really dark place and had contemplated suicide.
Speaker A:You know, the flower is stemming from a dark place.
Speaker A:And so it's funny because it's also very similar to the lotus, but in the lotus it, for me it just holds a lighter like meaning.
Speaker A:And not that this one isn't equally as important, but it doesn't feel aligned with who I am anymore, if that makes sense.
Speaker B:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker B:I have not aligned with anymore either.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:And it's, I mean it's permanent, it's there, it has a meaning for me.
Speaker A:Like, you know, I wouldn't get rid of it by any means, but it is just like a reminder of who I don't ever want to become again.
Speaker B:When you, and I'm going to switch gears on you just a second because you just brought it up when you think back to the person, and I've said this recently, Emma, and I don't say this with a badge of honor because it's not honorable, but I say it because it's part of my life.
Speaker B:As a two time suicide attempted survivor, I know the pain and the darkness that goes into bringing us to that place in our life.
Speaker B:When you look back at that period in your, in your life, a kudos that you were, you know, if I'm going to fail at anything, that's what I want to fail at.
Speaker B:Thank God.
Speaker A:You'Re not wrong.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But when you look back at that, what changed to bring you from that precipice and, and got you off that ledge to now you, you, you can talk about it.
Speaker B:And it's kind of a matter of fact, a lot of people still can't talk about that part of their journey because it's still too painful.
Speaker B:They haven't fully recovered for it.
Speaker B:You've gotten beyond that because of how matter of fact you said it.
Speaker B:And I could tell.
Speaker B:So what, what, what was the difference in you?
Speaker A:So first it's funny because I, when I said it, I only even hesitated because I was like, I don't know if that's a word I can say.
Speaker A:Like, I know sometimes people are weird about like how you say it, but it is one of those things that it's like, you know, not my proudest attribute or like past experience, but it was also for me it was so full transparency.
Speaker A:I had like intentions and plans and I never even got to fail, so to speak because my daughter was supposed to be with her godmom.
Speaker A:And they brought her back early.
Speaker A:And I thankfully, like a minute before any bad choices, life altering choices could have been made.
Speaker A:I'm like, why the hell do I hear Paxton?
Speaker A:And I thought it was like, in my mind, like, I'm like, oh, my God.
Speaker A:Like, so I was having, like, second thoughts because if anyone knows me, like, she's my world.
Speaker A:Like, I love my entire family, but she is my only biological child.
Speaker A:I had three miscarriages before her.
Speaker A:Like, I thought I was going to die delivering her.
Speaker A:So, like, she's a big deal, right?
Speaker A:And so I was like, oh, my God.
Speaker A:Like, I can hear my kid.
Speaker A:And then all of a sudden I hear literal footsteps running up the stairs.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, my God.
Speaker A:Oh my God.
Speaker A:Because she wasn't supposed to be home.
Speaker A:And so I like, run out to meet her at the door because I didn't want her to come in my room.
Speaker A:And she's like, jana, her godmom, who is my husband's best friend's wife and, you know, the God parent of my daughter.
Speaker A:And I love her dearly.
Speaker A:And she's like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker A:Like, I don't know what her deal is.
Speaker A:She just won't stop crying for you.
Speaker A:And I was just like, oh, my God, that's a sign.
Speaker A:I didn't obviously say that out loud.
Speaker A:And I never told anyone for.
Speaker A:I think it was at my next therapy appointment, which was like a week and a half later.
Speaker A:And then my therapist was like, okay, homegirl, we have to have a safety plan.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:And I was just like, oh, come on.
Speaker A:This is why I didn't say anything.
Speaker A:Like, you know, and.
Speaker A:But in that moment, I realized, like, no one will love Paxton the way that I love her.
Speaker A:My husband is a phenomenal father.
Speaker A:I think I said that last time.
Speaker A:He is very active.
Speaker A:You know, I don't relate.
Speaker A:When people are complaining about their husbands as far as, like, support and help and what they do with their kids, I'm like, can't relate.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker A:But he's still not going to love her the way that I love her.
Speaker A:He's not going to raise her to not be the person that I was.
Speaker A:No one is going to teach her, hey, let's put boundaries in place early so that you don't have to deal with this.
Speaker A:Let's not.
Speaker A:And so for me, it was very much like, you know, and then after that immediate thought, obviously the other girls came to mind and I was just like, oh, my gosh, without me, what do their Lives look like.
Speaker A:Where.
Speaker A:What does Kevin's life look like?
Speaker A:What does.
Speaker A:And all of a sudden, very quickly, I was just like, oh, my gosh, what the heck was happening?
Speaker A:And I was clearly in a very dark place, and I was dealing with a lot.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:That night, or actually the night of my therapy appointment, my therapist.
Speaker A:I almost said her name.
Speaker A:My therapist was like, hey, also, we need to talk to Kevin.
Speaker A:And, like, you can call him now.
Speaker A:You can do a three way, but, like, you're not getting out of this.
Speaker A:And so I was just like, let me talk to him first, and then we will call you, I promise.
Speaker A:Like, I'm.
Speaker A:One thing about me is if I tell you I'm going to do something, I will do it.
Speaker A:I am not.
Speaker A:I do not say something and then not do it.
Speaker A:And so she knows, like, if that were to happen, there's a reason, right?
Speaker A:So I was like, let me talk to him first, then we will call you.
Speaker A:And she is like, okay, fine, but if not, I'm sending cops, like, legit.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh, God.
Speaker A:Okay, it's not that serious.
Speaker A:It was serious.
Speaker A:But so I.
Speaker A:That night, I was like, hey, listen, I'm about to tell you something, and I need you to know, like, I'm at a place where, like, this is not how I feel still.
Speaker A:But I also don't know how or why I got there, per se.
Speaker A:And so I'm telling you because I know that I need help.
Speaker A:And he was like, you know, his eyes got all big and he's like, what the heck?
Speaker A:Because, like you had mentioned previously, I smiled every day.
Speaker A:I went, got up, dealt with the kids, went to work, came home, made dinner, did all the sports runs.
Speaker A:Nobody had any idea, not even the people closest to me.
Speaker A:And so I basically was like, yeah, I am.
Speaker A:I need help.
Speaker A:I'm in a really bad place.
Speaker A:And, you know, this is the point that I got to.
Speaker A:And I don't know how to explain how I got here or why I got here, but I know that this is not where I want to be.
Speaker A:And so I need you to step up more.
Speaker A:I need you to, you know, when you're home, I need you to, I don't know, maybe do bath time and hair time, because it stresses me out.
Speaker A:And that's one thing that you can control.
Speaker A:And, you know, and I just very quickly started vocalizing, and I think some of it was thanks to my therapist.
Speaker A:You know, she's like, give me the top five things you hate doing in a day.
Speaker A:And, you know, I said.
Speaker A:And she's like, your husband can do three of those.
Speaker A:And it's not that he wouldn't have done them.
Speaker A:I just never voiced that I wanted him or needed him to.
Speaker A:And so when I started doing that, I realized, like, he's not like most men, and he does.
Speaker A:He.
Speaker A:But also, he's a man, and he doesn't think about it.
Speaker A:He's like, oh, I didn't.
Speaker A:I mean, I brought her hair up into a ponytail, but, like, right.
Speaker A:I didn't know you need me to comb it out every other day or, like.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:And so it was just very quickly, like, realizing I needed boundaries.
Speaker A:But not only did I need to create them in my head, I needed to communicate them.
Speaker A:And so then I had to start working on, you know, communicating things before I was pissed off about them.
Speaker A:You know, I can't bite my tongue and expect somebody to understand why I'm upset.
Speaker A:And so, you know, as we kind of worked through those things, it became very clear to me, like, I let myself get to that point by trying to protect everybody else's peace.
Speaker A:And I am very much now like, nobody, nothing.
Speaker A:Not my mom, not my daughter, not my husband.
Speaker A:Nobody gets to disrupt my peace for a prolonged amount of time that I have control over.
Speaker B:But that's the problem with wearing masks, though.
Speaker B:When we wear the mask, it is so easy to hide behind it that people get used to it.
Speaker B:They don't realize that it's a mask, and then they don't know what the hell is going on behind the mask.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And because there is a huge difference between men and women, what is important to my spouse isn't important to me.
Speaker B:Not that I won't do whatever I need to, but unless she verbalizes it, it's not on my radar, you know, so.
Speaker B:How so?
Speaker B:We joke sometimes because she'll have a dream, and then she'll be mad in the morning.
Speaker B:I'm like, am I in trouble today because of what you dreamt?
Speaker B:Like, how do you.
Speaker B:Okay, so what did I do last night?
Speaker B:Because, you know.
Speaker B:But if you don't verbalize it, there's no way for me to understand it.
Speaker B:And if you're always the protector and always the savior and always the peacekeeper and always the whatever label you want to put on it, we think, my God, she's really strong.
Speaker B:She doesn't need my help.
Speaker B:In fact, you're drowning, and no one knows it.
Speaker B:So you have to take off that mask to have a better relationship.
Speaker B:And you mentioned him several times now, so I'm going to bring up Kevin.
Speaker A:Oh, that's actually my dad.
Speaker B:Oh, is it?
Speaker B:I'm sorry.
Speaker B:I pulled it off one of your files.
Speaker B:I thought it was your husband.
Speaker A:You're fine.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:Actually.
Speaker A:We talked about him in my last episode.
Speaker A:But that is Rob.
Speaker A:He is.
Speaker A:You know, him and my mom have been together.
Speaker A:Oh, God, I don't even know how long.
Speaker A:But he is the guy that I.
Speaker A:He is my dad.
Speaker A:And I say without him, I have no idea who I would have turned out to be.
Speaker A:But he is.
Speaker B:He's your rock.
Speaker A:He is.
Speaker A:And he is.
Speaker A:My daughter calls him Baba, and he is the best baba in the entire world.
Speaker A:We live about nine and a half hours away, and he has been down to our house like, three times, and two of those times, it's been for like an hour or two.
Speaker A:On his way home, he's driven hours out of his way just to stop and see Paxton and the house and us and all the things.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker B:Well, I was going to give your husband a big, huge shout out there for being such a great guy.
Speaker B:So, you know, we'll just have to keep saying Kevin.
Speaker B:So you're fine.
Speaker A:I actually.
Speaker A:I have a photo.
Speaker A:I don't know how great the quality will be, but we just took some headshots for him.
Speaker A:So this is.
Speaker B:Let me pull up just you so they can see it.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:Well, he's much better looking than that guy that I pulled up.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So that is Kevin.
Speaker B:And how long have you guys been together?
Speaker A:So in September, we will have.
Speaker A:We'll be married for nine years.
Speaker B:Excellent.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So we've been together for 10 years.
Speaker A:We've been married for nine.
Speaker A:In September.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Right around when this will be airing.
Speaker B:So you'll be celebrating your.
Speaker B:Your nine years and.
Speaker B:And having.
Speaker B:You know, my first wife had three kids.
Speaker B:One of them is still my daughter today, 22 years later, even though her mom and I long divorced.
Speaker B:But I know what it takes to be a step parent, and you're doing it in reverse, you know, so I totally understand what that takes and the fact that you can navigate not only the teenage years, but then being a step parent and having a husband who's not there all the time anymore right now, that in and of itself is an amazing feat and something you should definitely super be proud of.
Speaker B:So kudos to doing that.
Speaker B:My wife and I have been together for 10 years.
Speaker B:It'll be 11 years in October.
Speaker B:What do you.
Speaker B:Yeah, it takes a lot of work.
Speaker B:What do you attribute your longevity to?
Speaker B:Even though it's only nine.
Speaker A:I would say so for us.
Speaker A:We've also, as a couple, we have grown a lot in the last probably year or so.
Speaker A:And I think a lot of it has to do with communication.
Speaker A:Honestly, I think everything goes back to communication down to like, you know, in one of these workshops I did, we were talking about love languages.
Speaker A:And, you know, not even in necessarily a romantic terms, but, like, in general, people have love languages and, you know, helped me approach things differently because he.
Speaker A:One of his.
Speaker A:His biggest one is physical touch.
Speaker A:And I'm just not like a touchy feely person.
Speaker A:But mine is like, acts of service or words of affirmation or, you know, and so he's quick to do that.
Speaker A:And so I was like, all right, I gotta try to do better on my part.
Speaker B:Like, okay, I'll touch.
Speaker A:You know, dang it, I don't get as annoyed.
Speaker A:And, you know, he walks by and smacks my butt or whatever it is.
Speaker A:Before, I'd be like, stop.
Speaker A:Because I was so overstimulated.
Speaker A:And so now I'm just like, it doesn't bother me as much when he's not here.
Speaker A:I miss it, like, you know, but even stuff like that.
Speaker A:The last time we spoke, me, I don't think me and my parents were really, like.
Speaker A:We were kind of on rocky ground, but some of.
Speaker A:Obviously, a lot of the healing and stuff that I've gone through in the last year has allowed me to meet my mom where she's at.
Speaker A:And we.
Speaker A:We talk not daily, but, like, several times a week.
Speaker A:And if you had asked me about a year ago if that was going to be a thing, I would have said no.
Speaker A:We talked about Paxton for Paxton, and that was basically it.
Speaker A:And there's been times now that me and my mom will be talking via text or, you know, on the phone, whatever, and it'll, you know, be.
Speaker A:Sometime I'd be like, oh, you want to say hi to Paxton?
Speaker A:Like, you know, because in my mind I'm still like, I know that's why you called.
Speaker A:And she's like, no, I was just calling to chat with you, like, And I'm just like, oh, okay.
Speaker A:But I think some of it was realizing and getting to a place where I can communicate things.
Speaker A:You know, my mom's still not a talker.
Speaker A:We still don't talk about, like, you know, certain things or, like, really deep things.
Speaker A:But I have found, you know, her.
Speaker A:One of her love languages is gifts.
Speaker A:It's giving gifts, receiving gifts.
Speaker A:And I am not.
Speaker A:I like getting gifts, obviously.
Speaker A:Who doesn't But I remember growing up and at one point being like, no, I don't want your stuff.
Speaker A:I want you to talk to me.
Speaker A:That was just a difference of how we showed our love, you know, and so now knowing that and being able to, like, stand in it and process it, I'm like, that was my bad.
Speaker A:You know, like, it wasn't that you weren't trying to love me.
Speaker A:That was your way of loving me.
Speaker A:And it's just allowed us to have a better relationship because I've communicated certain things.
Speaker A:Like, you know, I have.
Speaker A:I might be the mean parent or the strict parent or, you know, but I have guidelines around my kids.
Speaker A:I don't care that you're her grandparents.
Speaker A:If she comes with you and she wants to call me, she calls me.
Speaker A:And, you know, there's.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter who it is, and if you can't respect that, you just don't get my kid.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:I think it's taken time for people to understand that.
Speaker A:Like, it's not me being mean.
Speaker A:It's not me being nasty.
Speaker A:Nasty.
Speaker A:It's not me, you know, wanting to be difficult.
Speaker A:It's just that I know what I wanted and needed as a child, and I am trying to be that for her.
Speaker A:And so I'm her comfort.
Speaker A:I'm her comfort.
Speaker A:I'm her comfortable place.
Speaker A:I'm her most stable thing.
Speaker A:And so one of the things is, like, these are the boundaries I have, and as long as you respect them, we're good.
Speaker A:But now I've learned to communicate that.
Speaker A:And so it's allowed for us to move past that.
Speaker A:And now actually, like, me and my mom have a relationship, which is beautiful.
Speaker B:Because about a month after you and I spoke, my mom passed away, and we never got to rebuild our relationship.
Speaker B:You know, my mom was like, your mom would never talk about anything deep, would never address our past traumas.
Speaker B:Everything was surface level.
Speaker B:And it's really tough to have a relationship with anybody who doesn't want to go beyond, hey, the sky is blue today.
Speaker B:You know, I'm very intellectual, and so I like the deep, meaningful conversations with whomever it is.
Speaker B:And to not have that with my mom is like, you know, the phone calls are only going to be five minutes because I can only say the sky's blue seven times, Right?
Speaker B:So it just made it hard.
Speaker B:So the fact that you're beyond that and starting to develop that, you're going to cherish that when you get to be my age, because I never got it, you know, to experience it But I'm going to ask you this, and I know that we've kind of talked about it the entire time we've been talking, but I want you to kind of reflect the Jesse from prior to Kevin and your marriage and your family to the Jesse today.
Speaker B:How would they be seen?
Speaker B:The same or different?
Speaker A:Oh, no, they are polar opposites, actually.
Speaker A:I don't know, I mean, polar opposites, right?
Speaker A:Because my husband hears stories about like me prior to him and he's like, oh my God, you were like carefree and so fun and you know, all these things.
Speaker A:And I was like, well, yeah, I was a single 20 something year old girl like who lived on my own and made decent money and could come and go as I please.
Speaker A:Like, so it's, it's hard in like as far as like putting some like borders around it, right?
Speaker A:So like when I decided to date him, I knew we had kids.
Speaker A:So right away when we decided like, this is it, like this is who I'm gonna spend my life with, I was like, oh sugar, like I can't just take random trips to Vegas anymore or I can't just go with my friends to, you know, 10 hour drives away.
Speaker A:Like he has kids like that.
Speaker A:They're more expensive, they're, you know, there's all kinds of things that are different.
Speaker A:And so very quickly.
Speaker A:And then soon after him and I got together, we ended up with the kids full time.
Speaker A:And so it was just, it made me grow up really fast.
Speaker A:But in doing so that not dealing with my traumas or healing from them.
Speaker A:And I think I like not think I like drink my way through my 20s and partied and you know, I was the unhealthiest version of myself.
Speaker A:And when Kevin and I connected, it was actually because I was on a weight loss journey and so was he.
Speaker A:And so we actually, that's how our paths crossed again.
Speaker A:We went to school together from like elementary school all the way through high school.
Speaker A:And he knew the guy that I had dated all four years of high school, but we never talked.
Speaker A:Like, I knew of him, he knew of me, but that was basically it.
Speaker A:And so it was like, you know, I was trying to get healthier.
Speaker A:I had gone back to visit and you know, a group of us met at the gym and he was one of them and we were just friends.
Speaker A:And then, you know, about a year later, I had just noticed like he had put some stuff on Facebook that wasn't his normal happy go lucky stuff.
Speaker A:And he was like, yeah, no, I'm miserable, I am depressed, I'M you know.
Speaker A:And I was just like, oh my gosh.
Speaker A:Like, it's not.
Speaker A:Again, he was wearing a mask.
Speaker A:And so he was like, no, even when you were here.
Speaker A:Like, you know, and then he was just explaining stuff that was happening.
Speaker A:And I was like, dude, why are you still married?
Speaker A:Like, you sound miserable.
Speaker A:And you know, at that point there was no romantic connection at all.
Speaker A:It wasn't for me.
Speaker A:I was just trying to be a supportive friend.
Speaker A:But I was like, she is telling you, like, to off yourself.
Speaker A:Her and the kids would be better off with the insurance money.
Speaker A:Like, that's a terrible setup.
Speaker A:And he was just like, yeah, you're not wrong.
Speaker A:The very next time we talked, he was like, I realized that I was staying because I didn't want her to keep my kids from me, but the version of me my kids are getting is shitty anyways.
Speaker A:This is awful.
Speaker A:And we've decided to split up.
Speaker A:He had done it and I was just like, oh my gosh.
Speaker A:Well, if you need anything, let me know.
Speaker A:I'm not physically in Delaware, but I have friends and family, like, if you need anything.
Speaker A:And he was just like, all right.
Speaker A:Next time we talked, he was living on his best friend's couch.
Speaker A:And he was like, I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I'm working on getting a place and like all the things.
Speaker A:And I was like, oh.
Speaker A:And then, you know, about a month later, he was like, hey, I'm going to come down and take you on a date.
Speaker A:And I was like, that's a little bit extreme.
Speaker A:I live 900 miles away.
Speaker A:Like our first date was like five day long date basically.
Speaker A:But anyways, we got way off subject.
Speaker A:But that version of me was young and I wasn't ready to face anything versus I feel like being with Kevin and having the girls forced me to grow up very quickly.
Speaker A:And I don't think that I did it in the healthiest way.
Speaker A:But now having him, as I said earlier, like my biggest supporter, my biggest cheerleader, my biggest.
Speaker A:He does hold me accountable.
Speaker A:But we joke that like, we're also our.
Speaker A:Each other's worst distractions, right?
Speaker A:Like that 7:30 at night, I'm like, hey, you want popcorn?
Speaker A:You want snacks?
Speaker A:You want this?
Speaker A:You want.
Speaker A:We've eaten clean and great all day and then, you know, we eat an extra 500 to 1,000 calories at night.
Speaker A:We're like, hey, we gotta do better tomorrow.
Speaker A:But so he's really allowed me to become the best version of myself because he is ready to pick me up when I'm down.
Speaker A:He's ready to push me when I don't feel like it.
Speaker A:And he's also at a place now where he doesn't make me feel like I'm nagging him when I'm bringing him up to where I'm at.
Speaker A:And he's like, you know, oh, my gosh, I'm exhausted.
Speaker A:And I'm like, yep.
Speaker A:But that's the phase of life we're in.
Speaker A:This is the season we're in so that we can enjoy it later when we're done parenting.
Speaker A:And we're never going to be done parenting, but when the kids are big and we can go out and do things like, that's why we're doing this.
Speaker A:And, you know, previously, I think I would have been too timid to do that or to, like, vocalize it.
Speaker A:And he's so receptive to it that it's just.
Speaker A:It just feels so natural.
Speaker A:And we are the happiest now that we've been in the entire 10 years we've been together, which is wild to think, because at this point is when, you know.
Speaker B:But it's the growth.
Speaker B:It's the linear growth together, because people can grow, but they can grow in opposite directions.
Speaker B:The fact that you guys are growing in the same direction is what's keeping you on this trajectory and what is continuously making you happy.
Speaker B:But as I.
Speaker B:As I wrap this up, I'm going to ask you the same question I asked you last year.
Speaker B:We'll see if it changed.
Speaker B:We'll go back and watch the last one.
Speaker B:What does warrior spirit or having a warrior spirit mean to Jesse today?
Speaker A:Having a warrior spirit for me now means standing with my feet planted in who I am.
Speaker A:The experiences I've gone through, the challenges, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful all at the same time.
Speaker A:And being willing to shout it from the rooftops.
Speaker A:So if any of those things, the good, the bad, the ugly, help any other person, I think for me, that is the biggest.
Speaker A:Like, I just want to have the biggest ripple effect that I can have in the world.
Speaker B:And I think you're well on your way to doing that.
Speaker B:And I appreciate that you came back to this platform to shout it out a little bit.
Speaker B:So thank you for doing this again.
Speaker B:I appreciate you.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Thank you for having me.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And it was very eye opening to watch the old one, so I appreciate.
Speaker B:It tenfold, because force yourself to go back and watch the full thing.
Speaker B:But if you would like to connect with Jesse, you can do so on our website.
Speaker B:Lotus and Light coaching my Canva site and on our social platforms, Facebook and the Lotus and Light Facebook page as well.
Speaker B:And as always, I want to thank you for joining us on this edition of A Warrior Spirit.
Speaker B:And as always, the journey is sacred.
Speaker B:The warrior is you.
Speaker B:So remember to be inspired, be empowered, and embrace the spirit of the warrior within.
Speaker B:Sam.
