Breaking Chains: The Power of Self-Love After Trauma
Today, we’re diving deep into the incredible journey of Martha Kartaoui, a trauma coach and cult survivor. Martha's story is powerful and speaks volumes about resilience and the strength required to reclaim one’s identity after a life filled with control and manipulation.
She vividly shares her experiences growing up in a cult, the challenges of escaping, and the profound journey of healing that followed. We explore how she turned her pain into purpose and now helps others navigate their own trauma.
Through a heartfelt and engaging conversation, this episode of A Warrior Spirit invites listeners to explore the extraordinary journey of Martha Kartaoui a cult survivor who has emerged from the shadows of her past to become a powerful advocate for healing and self-discovery.
Martha shares her unique story of growing up in a cult where love and affection were foreign concepts, and her path to freedom began with a chance discovery of her sister's existence. This revelation ignited a fire within her, prompting her to question her life and ultimately make the brave decision to break free from the chains of her upbringing.
The discussion delves into the intricacies of Martha's escape and the subsequent challenges she faced as she navigated life outside the cult. We hear about her initial feelings of isolation and confusion, akin to stepping into an alien world.
Martha paints a vivid picture of her struggles to adapt to new social norms and build healthy relationships, often feeling like a child in an adult's body. Her insightful reflections on trauma, self-worth, and the journey to self-acceptance resonate deeply, making it clear that healing is a gradual process.
As the conversation unfolds, Martha highlights the importance of community and connection in her healing journey. She emphasizes how sharing her story has not only empowered her but has also inspired others to confront their own traumas and seek solace in shared experiences.
By offering hope and guidance, Martha embodies the spirit of resilience that defines the essence of A Warrior Spirit, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, we can find the strength to rise and help others along the way.
Takeaways:
- Martha's journey from being born into a cult to becoming a trauma coach exemplifies resilience and transformation.
- The importance of finding one’s identity after escaping a controlling environment cannot be overstated, as it defines personal growth.
- Healing from trauma often requires learning to love oneself, which Martha achieved in her 40s after years of self-doubt.
- Martha emphasizes that sharing personal stories gives others permission to share their own, fostering community and healing.
You can connect with Martha and all her sites at lnk.bio/MarthaGloryKartaoui
The music in this video is copyrighted and used with permission from Raquel & The Joshua 1:8 project © 2025 All Rights Reserved. All rights to the music are owned by Raquel & The Joshua 1:8 project © 2025 All Rights Reserved. You can contact Raquel at https://YourGPSForSuccess.Net
Transcript
I've walked through fire with shadows on my heels Scars turn to stories that taught me to feel lost in the silence Found in the flame now we're my battle cry without shame this isn't at the end it's where I begin A soul that remembers the fire within.
Speaker B:Welcome back to another episode of A Warrior Spirit brought to you by Praxis33.
Speaker B:I'm your host, Daryl Snow.
Speaker B:Let's dive in.
Speaker B:Hey, thanks for joining me today.
Speaker B:I have a special guest, Martha Katawi.
Speaker B:Martha is an international speaker.
Speaker B:She's a TV host, she's an author, She's a trauma coach.
Speaker B:She's an all around great person and mostly I get to call her friends.
Speaker B:So, Martha, thank you for joining me today and I appreciate your time.
Speaker C:Hello.
Speaker C:I'm so honored.
Speaker C:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker C:I've been watching you do this for like the last nine months, so I'm really excited to get to be on your platform.
Speaker B:Well, I appreciate people like you that come on and share your journey and share your story.
Speaker B:And I know I listed a lot of things, you know, about you.
Speaker B:What I didn't list was great, great soul, high spirited, but also not only a trauma survivor, but a cult survivor.
Speaker B:And I know that you, in your book and in your speeches, you talk a lot about that.
Speaker B:So people who want to find out more about that can go to other platforms to find it out.
Speaker B:So we're not going to go as deep as other interviews do with that because I want something new and fresh from you.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:But I am not going to just gloss over the fact that you are a cult survivor.
Speaker B:So not only a cult survivor, because when people think cult survivor, they think, oh, we got into a cult and then we got out of a culture.
Speaker B:You actually were born into the cult, right?
Speaker C:I was, yes.
Speaker B:So it was actually your parents who were in the cult and then you were a child of that environment.
Speaker C:Correct.
Speaker C:So my parents joined the cult about five years before I was born.
Speaker C:So they had two children and joined the cult with those two children.
Speaker C:And then I was the second child born within the cult.
Speaker C:So I was number four.
Speaker C:And yeah, so they had my sister in the cult before me and then me and then five after that.
Speaker B:What's the number of children they had?
Speaker C:Nine.
Speaker B:Nine children and seven.
Speaker B:Them born within the cult.
Speaker C:Correct.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:When you.
Speaker B:Now obviously when you grow up in an environment like that, you don't know anything, anything different.
Speaker B:You just think this is normal and this is natural.
Speaker B:But are you, are your parents still in the cult?
Speaker C:No.
Speaker C:My parents got out about six months after I did, and I've been out almost 21 years.
Speaker C:And so they have been out a little over 20 as well.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:So I know the story of why you got out of the cult, but I'm privileged because we've known each other for a little while growing up in an environment where you think, oh, this is how it is and this is how it should be.
Speaker B:What prompted your story to leave that environment?
Speaker C:So the story that you're talking about is that I found out that my sister was pregnant.
Speaker C:I had found her on the Internet and we started chatting.
Speaker C:She had left six years before this conversation started with her.
Speaker C:And so I wasn't allowed communication with her because once you leave the cult, you're basically excommunicated.
Speaker C:You're not allowed to have any relationship with anybody inside.
Speaker C:And not only was I inside the cult, I also lived in the compound, which is different, which means that my every move was monitored.
Speaker C:I worked for a cult owned business, so I was extra like monitored.
Speaker C:I was like, I was.
Speaker C:I was extra watched.
Speaker C:So being able to find my sister on the Internet, although the Internet was fairly new at that time, right, was exciting, but it was also really scary because I could have gotten caught.
Speaker C:And there was all these parameters of how it happened.
Speaker C:And I was very lucky to get to do that.
Speaker C:But that's the story of the prompting, is that she shared with me after chatting with her about four months that she was pregnant.
Speaker C:And that was the switch for me of like, I don't want this child to grow up without their auntie.
Speaker C:And I had grown up my entire life without extended family because I was in the cult.
Speaker C:And we weren't allowed extended family.
Speaker C:No grandpas, no grandmas, no aunts and uncles, no cousins, Right.
Speaker C:And so I.
Speaker C:Something switched in me and said, I do not want this next generation not to know their auntie.
Speaker C:And so that was the light switch that went off for me.
Speaker C:But looking back now, there was a foundation being laid a lot sooner than that phone call.
Speaker C:And what I mean by that is there was this guy, Papa, who came to my store.
Speaker C:It was the cult owned fudge shop.
Speaker C:So we made homemade fudge.
Speaker C:And this old man would stop by almost every day.
Speaker C:And he befriended me over the four years that I was at the fudge house.
Speaker C:And he really started witnessing to me about God and about Jesus and about his love and his mercy and his grace.
Speaker C:And I started opening up to him and I started sharing with him experiences that I was having within the cult and experiences that had happened to me outside of the cult.
Speaker C:And I.
Speaker C:He really was, like, the first grandparent figure that I ever had in my life.
Speaker C:And so I was already getting to experience this familial experience of being loved by somebody other than my family.
Speaker C:And growing up in the cult, I didn't know what love was.
Speaker C:My parents never told me they loved me until I was 27 years old on my wedding day.
Speaker C:So, like, my parents didn't share that kind of affirmation.
Speaker C:Cult man, sure, surely did not share that kind of affirmation.
Speaker C:Love was not a thing that was spoken about.
Speaker C:Papa was the first one to share love with with me and what that really meant.
Speaker C:And so I know you want to interject, so I'll slow down.
Speaker B:No, no, no.
Speaker B:You're.
Speaker B:You're fine.
Speaker B:It's a fascinating story.
Speaker B:I just was curious about your sister and the dynamics was, was she older or younger?
Speaker B:And how much connection did you have with her prior to her leaving?
Speaker C:Yeah, so my sister is 17 months younger than me.
Speaker C:So her and I shared a bedroom our entire life.
Speaker C:So because we were so close in age, we were always bunked together for our whole lives.
Speaker C:And I had severe learning disabilities.
Speaker C:And my sister was very smart and very studious, and she kind of took me under her wing at a very young age.
Speaker C:And she overcompensated for my learning disabilities because she didn't want me to be teased.
Speaker C:She didn't want me to be picked on.
Speaker C:And so she did my homework.
Speaker C:Like, I legit say this in my book, and it's the truth.
Speaker C:She is the reason I have a high school diploma, because I. I never needed to really put myself fully into school because she did my homework for me.
Speaker C:She did everything for me.
Speaker C:And so she did everything except for take the test.
Speaker C:And so the, you know, the teachers could never understand why I failed almost every test, but my homework was hundreds.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:We just learned.
Speaker C:We just.
Speaker C:We just said it was my learning disability, that I was a horrible test taker.
Speaker C:But the truth was, my sister was my homework doer.
Speaker C:And so, yeah, she's the reason I graduated high school.
Speaker B:So how did she get out?
Speaker B:And then how did you actually then say, I miss her and I want to find her?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So she just stopped coming.
Speaker C:So she didn't live in the compound like I did.
Speaker C:So when I say I lived in the compound, the backstory of that is, at 18, after I graduated high school, seven days after I graduated high school, called me and basically called my parents and said, you know, Martha needs to move in and, you know, gave them all the reasons why I was going to hell because of, you know, all the things that I had done wrong.
Speaker C:And so he was going to save my soul.
Speaker C:And so I was going to move into the compound, right?
Speaker C:He was claiming me.
Speaker C:That was.
Speaker C:That was what he was doing.
Speaker C:He had been grooming me since I was 7 years old, and now he was claiming me because now I was legal, right?
Speaker C:And so I graduate from high school.
Speaker C:Seven days later, we pack the van and we move me to the compound.
Speaker C:So my family was living in North Carolina at the time.
Speaker C:I had grown up in Minnesota until I was 12.
Speaker C:And we had made weekend commutes every single weekend we spent in the compound with all the other brethren until I was 12.
Speaker C:But then at 12, my dad's business got bought out and so sent us to North Carolina.
Speaker C:And so then we were only going to the compound four or five times a year, which allowed a lot more freedom, a lot more expression of self, right?
Speaker C:And so I did.
Speaker C:I became a typical teenager to the outside world, right?
Speaker C:Like, I really had a lot of teenage experiences.
Speaker C:I, you know, tried drugs and alcohol and sex and all the things, right?
Speaker C:Like, I. I was.
Speaker C:I was being a rebellious teenager for sure.
Speaker C:So Coldman wasn't wrong when he was saying, like, she's going down the wrong road, because I certainly was.
Speaker C:But him also claiming me and moving me into the compound wasn't truly to save my soul, as you can imagine.
Speaker B:So I'm going to let people who want to read your book and find the other gazillion interviews that you've done and the speaking that you've done on that.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker B:But I want to move forward and ask you life outside the cult, because to me, obviously never been in a cult, although I've been in the Catholic Church, so who knows, maybe.
Speaker B:But to me, it would be like, once you've.
Speaker B:And I don't know that escaped is a word that justifies what happened, but once you were liberated from that lifestyle, to me, it would be like moving to an entire foreign country and not knowing the language.
Speaker B:Like, how did you adapt once you made the decision, I'm out of here, I'm saving my sister's baby, I'm becoming integrated into life outside of this environment.
Speaker B:How did you learn to adapt to that world?
Speaker C:So that is such a brilliant question, Darrel.
Speaker C:And I don't know if anybody's really asked me it in that way, but that's a beautiful analogy that you used as well.
Speaker C:It was like I was entering a Completely different world that I knew nothing about.
Speaker C:I say this often when I speak is that when I escaped, I escaped with nothing.
Speaker C:I had no identity.
Speaker C:I had no money, no talents, no.
Speaker C:Like I didn't know who I was, right?
Speaker C:I had no tools.
Speaker C:I had the tools of a young child because I had been traumatized since age 7.
Speaker C:I had sexual abuse that started at 8.
Speaker C:I had physical abuse that started at 7.
Speaker C:I had mental, emotional, spiritual.
Speaker C:All of these traumatizing events happened starting at age 7.
Speaker C:So I was stuck.
Speaker C:I was.
Speaker C:My nervous system was stuck.
Speaker C:I didn't have the tools of a 20, now 6 year old when I escaped, right?
Speaker C:So I did enter a world that I knew zero about.
Speaker C:So much had changed from the time that I had gone into the compound at 18 and the time that I had come out.
Speaker C:So, so much had changed from the time that I went in at age 18 to the time I came out at 26.
Speaker C:Like the world had changed.
Speaker C:The way that the world ran had changed.
Speaker C:And I had no tools or understanding of any of those changes because I'd been basically locked in a box for those eight years.
Speaker C:And so when I entered this world, all I knew how to do was work.
Speaker C:Because that's the only thing that had always been consistent in my life is that I had a work ethic.
Speaker C:I had learned that from my, my mom and dad.
Speaker C:I had learned that from the cult.
Speaker C:I knew how to go to work.
Speaker C:And so that's what I did is I poured myself into getting a job.
Speaker C:But I was also hiding.
Speaker C:I was literally hiding from men, from finding me.
Speaker C:They were going, you know, appearing different places all the time, looking for me, trying to bring me back to the compound.
Speaker C:So I couldn't see my family, I couldn't see my friends because I never knew where they were going to pop up.
Speaker C:So literally all I did was pour myself into work.
Speaker C:And there comes a time where, like, you run out of steam because, you know, you.
Speaker C:I'm constantly scared that somebody's going to see through this mask and this facade of like this, you know, ill equipped adult, right?
Speaker C:Because that's what I was.
Speaker C:I was an ill equipped adult because I wasn't an adult.
Speaker C:I was a child.
Speaker C:Like, you know, with, with my.
Speaker C:The way that I operated, the way that I understood the world, the way that I understood people, the way that I allowed relationships to unfold.
Speaker C:I had never been in a healthy male, female relationship.
Speaker C:And so every relationship that I got into, I was used for my body.
Speaker C:I was used, you know, for my money.
Speaker C:I was Used.
Speaker C:I didn't know what it meant to have a healthy relationship.
Speaker C:And I had no self esteem, no self worth, no like self actualization.
Speaker C:I didn't know anything about me.
Speaker C:I had never been asked anything about me.
Speaker C:I didn't know who I was.
Speaker C:So I'm just floating through the world ill equipped and eventually that kind of catastrophically blew up in my face.
Speaker C:And I would have to start really dealing with the real truths of this traumatized little girl who is now an adult.
Speaker B:So many people who suffer trauma or abuse or the experiences that you suffered, cult aside, because some people still experiencing similar things in the world outside of a cult, they can go one of multiple ways, but it's either down drug, sex and alcohol or it's down religion so far that they become zealot religious.
Speaker B:Like which path did you travel and what got you as center and stable as you are today?
Speaker C:Again, what a great question, Darrell.
Speaker C:I love that.
Speaker C:So I did all of those, except for the zealous thing.
Speaker C:Because I was so turned off from religion.
Speaker C:I was running from God for a long time.
Speaker C:I wanted nothing to do with God, I wanted nothing to do with religion, I wanted nothing to do with anything that had do with God.
Speaker C:But I tried this sex, I tried the drugs, I tried alcohol.
Speaker C:But when my world imploded, I realized that I had choices.
Speaker C:And my choices were that I was going to follow down the same road that my brothers were, which was I had three brothers at the time on heroin, and I was going to end up being right behind them or I was going to end up being an alcoholic.
Speaker C:Like so so many of the people that had left the cult prior or dead right, or the suicide was a real thing that happened when people left is because the fear, the anxiety, all of those things that happen when you leave the confines of the programming that we grew up with and the brainwashing and the control, people just can't take it and they take their own lives.
Speaker C:And so I had a real reality check of like, am I going to continue to numb and run or am I going to find help?
Speaker C:And thankfully I made the choice to become my own authority over my life and to reclaim myself.
Speaker C:That was a grueling process.
Speaker C:I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it is not easy.
Speaker C:But it was the most important work that I've ever done.
Speaker C:And so my light bulb moment for that transition was I was in a continuing education class and I, because I'm a therapeutic massage therapist and I was in a continuing education class and it was a somatics class.
Speaker C:And the teacher said a phrase that I'll never forget.
Speaker C:She said, trauma is stored on a cellular level in our bodies.
Speaker C:And she was referencing the book the body Keeps the Score.
Speaker C:And like that bells and whistles and like all went off.
Speaker C:And I was like, holy crap, that is me.
Speaker C:And then I'm like, well, what do you do about it?
Speaker C:How do you fix that?
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:And so I started having conversations with that teacher afterwards.
Speaker C:And that started leading to many modalities that helped me to start going inward and start really reclaiming the little girl and helping her to grow up and helping her to know that she was now safe and that, you know, the experiences that she had gone through are now ended and will never let those things happen to us again.
Speaker C:And just reclaiming who I was and who I was meant to be.
Speaker C:And so I did many modalities, whether that was hypnosis, so biofeedback, neurofeedback, emdr, brain spotting.
Speaker C:Like, I did so many of these naturopathic medicines because talk therapy didn't work for me.
Speaker C:I went to four sessions before I found the naturopathic route.
Speaker C:And the therapist literally said, I've never dealt with anybody with brainwashing and control in the way that you have.
Speaker C:And I don't know what to do with you.
Speaker C:I've never dealt with this before and I don't know where to refer you.
Speaker C:That was my experience with talk therapy.
Speaker C:And I was like, okay, cool.
Speaker C:I am too broken even for professionals.
Speaker C:Awesome.
Speaker C:So that helps the self esteem, right?
Speaker C:It took me a long time to trust anybody in that, in a professional manner again.
Speaker C:But then when my life imploded and I had no choice, I was like, okay, I've got to figure this out and if talk therapy is not it, what is?
Speaker C:And then I started finding answers in these other naturopathic modalities that really helped me to go inward.
Speaker C:And there's a lot of inner child work that I had to do.
Speaker C:There was a lot of forgiveness that I had to find.
Speaker C:There was a lot of reclaiming.
Speaker C:And I had to start asking myself the very basic questions, like, what colors do you like?
Speaker C:What foods do you like now that you don't have a list of all the do's and don'ts?
Speaker C:What, what kind of things do you enjoy?
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Like now I had this liberty and this freedom, but I didn't know how to exercise it because I had never exercised it in my entire life.
Speaker C:And so I started having to ask myself, and I'm in my early 30s at this time, really trying to ask myself, you know, what colors do you like?
Speaker C:What foods do you like?
Speaker C:You know, do you like a pillow?
Speaker C:Do you not like a pillow?
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like, things that I'd never taken the time to get to know about myself.
Speaker C:And so now I could decide what my hair looked like.
Speaker C:Am I going to have long hair?
Speaker C:Am I going to have short hair?
Speaker C:Do I like dresses anymore?
Speaker C:Like, because I grew up only being allowed to wear blouses and skirts and so I was like, do I want to wear a dress?
Speaker C:Do I only, you know, want to wear jeans?
Speaker C:You know, so all of the things, do I want to pierce my ears?
Speaker C:All like all these things that people grow up deciding.
Speaker C:I'm doing it in my 30s because I had never had the option.
Speaker C:I was always told what I liked and what I disliked and who I was.
Speaker C:And so I was, I was getting to know myself.
Speaker C:But it was, it was very odd having to get your get to know yourself as a grown ass adult.
Speaker B:Yeah, I.
Speaker B:A really good friend of mine, she's a trauma coach and a shamanic.
Speaker B:She does multiple modalities, but she uses the phrase issues in your tissues.
Speaker B:And when she helped me and my wife overcome our traumas, it was like convulsions of the body when that trauma was actually leaving the body.
Speaker B:So I can totally understand your inner exploration.
Speaker B:What I want to ask you.
Speaker B:You brought up a couple things about getting to decide, and a couple things came to mind.
Speaker B:First off, as someone who was abused and physically and mentally, physical touch isn't often something that people naturally gravitate towards when they're trying to heal.
Speaker B:So what made you do massage therapy, which is physical touch?
Speaker B:And then how did you decide when and how you enjoyed a sexual life outside of being traumatized during it?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Thank you for asking these really deep, important questions because they are important and most people shy away from asking them.
Speaker C:So thank you.
Speaker C:The first part of that question is how did I become a massage therapist and why did I gravitate towards that?
Speaker C:So when I got out of the cult, I went into nursing because I have always been a nurturer, a caretaker, loved people, Right.
Speaker C:And it was just a good fit for, for who I was.
Speaker C:And I had grown up in.
Speaker C:As a teenager, I had worked in an assisted living facility for old people or older people.
Speaker C:And I had loved working with that demographic.
Speaker C:And so when I came back at 26, I went right back to that place.
Speaker C:I got a job as a waitress.
Speaker C:But then I decided I really wanted to work one on one with the patients.
Speaker C:And so I started doing nursing, went to start doing nursing program.
Speaker C:But about a year and a half into that, I was like, okay, if I'm a nurse, then I have to watch people die.
Speaker C:And I don't want to watch people die.
Speaker C:I want to help them feel better, and I want to, you know, be there to love and support them, but I can't watch them die.
Speaker C:Death was a very scary thing for me at that time.
Speaker C:It because I was so programmed by the cult that death meant like hell and hell only.
Speaker C:And so death was a scary, scary thing for me.
Speaker C:And so I remember one of my turning point was I went in on a Monday morning, and I was now married, and I was loving my job.
Speaker C:And I went in on a Monday morning, and I found out that one of my favorite residents had died.
Speaker C:And I just remember, like, sliding down the wall like in the movies, like sliding down the wall and just sobbing in between my knees with my head, my hands over my head and my knees, my face in my knees and just sobbing.
Speaker C:Because I was like, another one of my favorites has died.
Speaker C:And what I realize now is that I took every death of somebody that showed me attention personally, because I had never had unconditional love.
Speaker C:I had never been seen.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Every time that I'd been seen, it was always had a bad connotation.
Speaker C:So to have my residents see me and really care about me and ask me questions and really show me, you know, attention was like this very personal thing.
Speaker C:And so when they would die, I felt like it was personal.
Speaker C:I felt like it was a personal, like, against me.
Speaker C:And so when this guy died, I just.
Speaker C:I was like, I can't keep doing this.
Speaker C:This doesn't feel good to me.
Speaker C:And so I was in a conversation with my husband, my then husband, and my dad.
Speaker C:And I was just like, I don't want to keep watching people die for the rest of my life.
Speaker C:You know, it's not fair.
Speaker C:And so my dad said, hey, have you ever thought about massage?
Speaker C:You used to rub the back of my head when I would have a headache, when we would be driving to the compound.
Speaker C:And you always took away my headaches.
Speaker C:Do you remember that?
Speaker C:And I was like, no.
Speaker C:Anyway, that I was like, well, it's worth looking into.
Speaker C:And so I went to an interview for a massage school.
Speaker C:And you have to do like a walkthrough test through with.
Speaker C:With one of the instructors.
Speaker C:And as soon as I laid my hands on the instructor, she was like, you've never done this?
Speaker C:And I was like, no.
Speaker C:And she's like, you're a natural.
Speaker C:You are gifted, and you would be silly not to look further into this.
Speaker C:So that's how I became a massage therapist.
Speaker B:And so how did you.
Speaker B:You said you were married at this point, so hopefully you discovered this.
Speaker B:Answer to this question prior to that.
Speaker B:But how did you integrate yourself back into a sex life?
Speaker B:That was healthy because.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So that was the second part of your question.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Trauma survivors who have been molested struggle, and they struggle with intimacy until they find someone safe.
Speaker B:So how did you integrate yourself back to that?
Speaker C:So I'm going to be completely honest because I think that it's important to be transparent because there's somebody out there watching that says, oh, holy crap, that's me.
Speaker C:I was.
Speaker C:I was faking to be somebody that I was not.
Speaker C:And kept my walls very, very tight and very secure for the first, probably year and a half, two years of my marriage so I could have sex with him and I could play a role.
Speaker C:And Because I was very good at that.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But I couldn't allow true intimacy because I didn't know what that meant.
Speaker C:I. I didn't know what it felt like to be loved.
Speaker C:I didn't know what it felt like to be cherished.
Speaker C:I didn't know what it would feel like to make love to somebody.
Speaker C:I didn't.
Speaker C:I didn't know any of those things.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And I certainly didn't know how to trust a man with my body.
Speaker C:I didn't know how to trust my heart with a bot.
Speaker C:My.
Speaker C:With my body.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And so it took me a long time to start peeling away those walls and.
Speaker C:And start to trust him and to let him in.
Speaker C:And to be completely honest, when I started to let him in, that's when my world imploded because I didn't know how to be safe, Darryl.
Speaker C:I did not know how to be safe.
Speaker C:So as soon as I started taking those walls down, my triggers started with him and I started pushing him away.
Speaker C:I wanted nothing to do with him and sex.
Speaker C:I didn't care if we ever had sex again because I didn't know how to be safe.
Speaker C:And the triggers were so deeply, deeply harmful to us as a couple.
Speaker C:And I was so stuck in that fight or flight.
Speaker C:I was so stuck in the pain of all of the experiences that I didn't know how to let him in.
Speaker C:So it was years before we could have a restored sex life.
Speaker C:And it took a lot of.
Speaker C:It took a lot of patience on his.
Speaker C:On his side, and it took a lot of.
Speaker C:Of grace on my Side and also healing like I, I had.
Speaker C:Yeah, I, there's, there's a lot that we could take a whole hour and just talk about how triggers can absolutely ruin your life if you don't decide that they can't ruin your life and you, you start healing from them.
Speaker C:And so in the end, my husband would never come fully back.
Speaker C:And that would be one of the reasons why we ended up divorcing is because he could never, he could never feel safe in an intimate relationship with me because of those years where he was pushed away.
Speaker C:And in the end, he fell out of love with me because he, he walked with me through.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm sorry you experienced that part of that journey.
Speaker B:And I know from personal experience with my wife, we just celebrated our 11 year anniversary and we have literally and physically walked through hell to remain where we are.
Speaker B:And she became ill three months into our relationship, so we hadn't even known each other that long.
Speaker B:And she's gone through a lot of her own trauma.
Speaker B:So I know what it takes for a couple to endure any type of trauma.
Speaker B:And I don't care if it's the man having the trauma or the woman having the trauma.
Speaker B:I had to heal and rebuild my life, she's had to heal and rebuild hers.
Speaker B:And there was 11 years worth of reasons to leave, but there was one reason to stay because we knew we were a gift that God gave each other.
Speaker B:And so walking through hell side by side was part of our journey.
Speaker B:Now to get to the other side, to still remain joyful.
Speaker B:It takes a lot for people to go through that kind of trauma and experience.
Speaker B:And the fact that your husband stayed even remotely is a testament to his strength.
Speaker B:And sometimes it does get to be too much for four individuals.
Speaker B:But there's got to be compassion and awareness of the trauma that caused where they are.
Speaker B:And not only does your partner have to love you through it, you have to love you through it.
Speaker B:And it's easier sometimes for your partner to love you through it than for you to love you through it.
Speaker B:And if you don't love you through it as well, then it makes it really tough for both parties to stay.
Speaker B:Fighting for the relationship.
Speaker B:Not fighting to argue, but fighting for the relationship.
Speaker B:And as someone who is an international speaker and an author, when did you learn, what age were you?
Speaker B:When you learned forgiveness of self?
Speaker B:And when did you decide that you were worthy of a life better than what you had come through?
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:Just hard hitting.
Speaker C:Love this so much to be perfect.
Speaker B:It's a warrior spirit for a reason.
Speaker B:It's not like, you know.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker C:To be perfectly Honest, I was 37 before I was ever able to say and accept myself, that I loved myself or that I even began to like myself.
Speaker C:I was 37.
Speaker C:So when you talk about what age was I when I truly forgave myself, I was in my 40s.
Speaker C:I remember when I had forgiven Cult Man, I'd forgiven my parents, I had forgiven my husband, but I had not yet forgiven me because I felt that somehow my transgressions were so much bigger than Cult Man's against me or anybody else's.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So I was in my 40s when I was able to truly forgive myself and when I was truly able to see, damn Martha, like you made it, you.
Speaker C:You have not only have you experienced, gone through all the things that you've experienced, but you've taken your life back and you have, You're.
Speaker C:You're making a difference in your life.
Speaker C:You didn't end up a drug, drug on drugs or alcohol or any of the other things or suit.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Like you chose to reclaim your life.
Speaker C:It's time to forgive yourself and it's time to step into that.
Speaker C:And so I would.
Speaker C:I would say that was.
Speaker C:That was in my early 40s and now I'm just about 47.
Speaker C:And I think it's only the last three years where I can truly say that not a day goes by that I don't look in the mirror and say, I'm proud of you, I love you, you're amazing, and you're here for a reason, and God's just getting started.
Speaker C:And I mean, these are the things that I say to self now versus all of the hatred that I spewed for so many decades because I. I just had never known how to love me.
Speaker C:And nobody had ever loved me to show me what it would look like.
Speaker C:And nobody had certainly ever talked about love of self.
Speaker C:So I had to learn all of those things.
Speaker C:But I'm so grateful for the journey.
Speaker C:Over the last 14 years, I've dedicated this journey to self and to reclaiming me.
Speaker C:And I'm really proud of it because now I can help others that have gone through the types of experiences that I have.
Speaker C:And I'm not just talking about a cult.
Speaker C:I'm talking about domestic abuse.
Speaker C:I'm talking about miscarriage.
Speaker C:I'm talking about job loss.
Speaker C:I'm talking about all the other things that I've experienced outside of the cult because life be lifing.
Speaker C:It didn't just.
Speaker C:My trauma didn't just end because I left the cult.
Speaker C:You know, there's a whole nother.
Speaker C:There's a whole nother life of trauma that I've experienced after a cult.
Speaker C:And then divorce, right?
Speaker C:Like, I was married for 15 years, probably stayed in my marriage five extra years because we were raising kids that weren't either of ours.
Speaker C:But we felt the responsibility to help these kids.
Speaker C:And we always had a love and respect for each other, but we were no longer.
Speaker C:He was no longer in love with me.
Speaker C:We were no longer intimate.
Speaker C:We never longer had that type of relationship.
Speaker C:But I understood by then that I deserved a partner.
Speaker C:I deserved better, and so did he.
Speaker C:And so it was very amicable when we made that decision, but it was still very, very difficult because divorce sucks.
Speaker C:You think that, you know, when you get married, that's.
Speaker C:That's it, and it wasn't.
Speaker C:But I also know that both of us deserve a better version of a relationship.
Speaker C:And so in.
Speaker C:In the end, we made the decision that was best for us.
Speaker B:Well, you had two liberations.
Speaker B:You had the liberation from your cult, and then you had the liberation from the shackles you put on yourself for those in between years.
Speaker B:And I know one liberation is vastly different than the other, and one is actually more free than the other.
Speaker B:And when you start forgiving yourself and caring for yourself and finding self worth, that liberation is even way more freeing than leaving a cult.
Speaker B:So kudos to you for doing that.
Speaker B:I'm going to ask you a couple quick questions.
Speaker B:This is your book Glory going all in.
Speaker B:When did you decide I need to write my story and start speaking about my story?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So about 10 years ago, God really started putting it on my heart that I was going to write a book.
Speaker C:And I was like, God, you don't understand.
Speaker C:I'm dyslexic.
Speaker C:I don't write.
Speaker C:Are you kidding me?
Speaker C:No.
Speaker C:And it just kept coming up for the last 10 years.
Speaker C:And about three years ago, two and a half years ago, I guess I had decided to get my life coaching and health coaching certificate.
Speaker C:And so I started going to these conferences about, you know, personal development and personal growth.
Speaker C:And it was one of those conferences that I had the aha moment that, no, it was time to say, stop using my learning disabilities as a excuse not to do what God had called me to do.
Speaker C:And God was calling me to write this book.
Speaker C:And as soon as I made that decision, I sat down and within 23 days, I wrote the book that I then published less than six weeks later.
Speaker C:So, yeah, that's my book.
Speaker C:I'm really proud of it.
Speaker C:And I'm writing my second and third book right now.
Speaker C:My second book's almost done.
Speaker C:So, yes, I am a living testament that when you get out of your own way and stop making excuses, even for things that have plagued you, like my learning disability of being dyslexic and ADD and ADHD and all those things, those are just excuses.
Speaker C:And there's no reason why you can't contribute to the life that you deserve by just stepping out of them and finding ways around them.
Speaker C:There's just too many resources and tools out there to allow those things to hold you back.
Speaker B:And then earlier this year, you did your Unbound conference.
Speaker B: got another one coming up in: Speaker B:Describe what this was.
Speaker C:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker C:So Unbound is probably the thing that I'm most proud of creating.
Speaker C:So about a year ago, God put it on my heart that I was going to create a trauma healing experience.
Speaker C:And so September 12th through 14th of this year, I did just that in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Speaker C:I created a room, a sacred, safe room for people to heal from trauma.
Speaker C:And I had 12 speakers and I had workshops.
Speaker C:And it was just an absolutely transformational weekend.
Speaker C:And the testimonies that have come out of that experience are just.
Speaker C:I just.
Speaker C:I can't wait to get to share some of them publicly.
Speaker C: g it into what became unbound: Speaker B: So you have: Speaker B:And will that be in Carolinas as well?
Speaker C:Yes, it will be in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Speaker C:And all I know is that it's going to be bigger, better, and bolder.
Speaker C:I don't know what that means, but I'm ready for it and I'm excited.
Speaker B:Well, God has his plan, and that's why you did both of those things.
Speaker B:But God also had a plan for you to do this, which is your TV show.
Speaker B:So describe this.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So let Glory shine.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:So that was another one of those miracle moments where God's just, like, laying the foundations long before the opportunity ever presented itself.
Speaker C: th of: Speaker C:And I decided to get a tattoo, and my middle name is Glory.
Speaker C:And that's why the.
Speaker C:The name of my book is Glory.
Speaker C:Going all in.
Speaker C:Not only because of my middle name.
Speaker C:But because everything that I do is for the glory of God.
Speaker C:And everything that I do, I want to give back to God because I feel like I get to live the life that I do because God gave me another chance.
Speaker C:And so I do it all for his glory.
Speaker C:So I got a tattoo, and my tattoo says, let Glory shine.
Speaker C:You probably can't really see it, but it's right here and it says let glory shine.
Speaker C:And so that was in December.
Speaker C:And then in March, I was having a conversation with our dear Elena Rodriguez and she was talking about this television show and did I want to do a television show?
Speaker C:And I was like, what?
Speaker C:That's a real thing?
Speaker C:And so I went to work and my first episode came out on May 15th.
Speaker C:And I've had a weekly episode every single week on Thursday at 7pm since then.
Speaker C:And I get to interview people and talk about healing from trauma.
Speaker C:I get to talk about their testimony.
Speaker C:I get to.
Speaker C:It's just been so fun and it's been such a blessing to get to put something positive out into the world.
Speaker C:But also I get to challenge my guests and they get to challenge me about certain things that we might think about mindsets or habits or ways of thinking about spiritual spirituality or metaphysics.
Speaker C:And so it's just been, it's been such a fun place that I can put this creative energy and this creative juice and I don't know what God's got planned for it, but I'm here for it.
Speaker C:It's exciting.
Speaker B:Well, I know Elena, when she asked me, and I'm sure she said it to the same you because we're both on that same network.
Speaker B:And she said, I don't know where it's going to go, but do you want to join me?
Speaker B:And I'm like, you know, I said no to God long enough and got hit by too many spiritual two by fours.
Speaker B:This was a question that I wasn't going to say no to.
Speaker B:So I took the ride with her.
Speaker B:And we're now in 17 countries.
Speaker B:We're soon to be on Amazon Fire.
Speaker B:And it's just good to know that even though we weren't sure of what we were doing, God was.
Speaker B:And it's there to teach and learn and help other people, people grow in who they are and what they want to do.
Speaker B:Which leads me to my next question for you.
Speaker B:I'm full of hard hitters today.
Speaker B:The Martha of today.
Speaker B:How does, other than being out of a cult and trying to learn who she is, how do you differ from who you were 15 or 20 years ago.
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:I would say that the essence of who I was then is exactly the same because it's who God created me to be.
Speaker C:My heart, my spirit, my soul, like that's the same.
Speaker C:But everything, the over compensations, the way that I had to build the walls, all of those things, I now get to walk in authenticity and not in fear and not with a big mask on.
Speaker C:And I don't.
Speaker C:Those things are the things that have changed.
Speaker C:And yes, of course my outward appearance has changed.
Speaker C:So many people say you look so much younger now than you did when you got out of the cult at 26, right?
Speaker C:Because Joy looks good on people.
Speaker C:And when you're authentic and you are, you are, you know, genuinely happy.
Speaker C:And joy filled with that does.
Speaker C:It's the Benjamin Button effect, right?
Speaker C:You do look younger because joy looks good on people.
Speaker C:Fear does not.
Speaker C:Fear ages you.
Speaker C:Stress ages you.
Speaker C:Faking ages you, all of those negative things age you.
Speaker C:Fight or flight frickin ages you.
Speaker C:And so the healing that I've had to do and that I've intentionally done over the last 14 years has changed my outward appearance.
Speaker C:But I'm.
Speaker C:I'm the same person that God created me to be.
Speaker C:I'm just an elevated version of her.
Speaker B:So when you come off a stage or when you come off of event platform or whatever and people come up to you and say, martha, I haven't been through what you've been through, but I've been through a lot.
Speaker B:How do I forgive myself?
Speaker B:How do I take off my mask and how do I live in authenticity?
Speaker B:And by the way, I'm not sure if there is a God or not a God because of everything I've been through.
Speaker B:What do you say to those people?
Speaker C:I can't tell you the number of times that this exact thing has happened to me.
Speaker C:And so the first thing I do is I just say, can I give you a hug?
Speaker C:Because so often what we are really asking for is to be seen.
Speaker C:We just want to be seen.
Speaker C:We just want somebody to know that we have been through crap, right?
Speaker C:That and we so often feel like trauma, nobody else is going to understand us.
Speaker C:So when I lay all my on the stage, I'm sorry about.
Speaker C:No, you can say all my crap.
Speaker C:Okay, all my crap on the stage sounded better with okay, all my shit on the stage, right?
Speaker C:And then people are like, oh, oh, she's been through that, right.
Speaker C:It gives them permission to say, no, I've been through some pretty tough too, right?
Speaker C:And that's that Darrell is the Reason why I share my story.
Speaker C:I share my story because it gives others permission to share theirs and to start opening up about theirs and to start being honest with themselves about theirs and about their pain and about the things that they've survived and the things that they've experienced.
Speaker C:And when they get to hear me speak and say, okay, but I'm not there anymore, this is what I've done to get out of that place.
Speaker C:And how do you take your next step?
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Those are the conversations that change people's lives.
Speaker C:And the emails and the letters and the things that I've gotten after I've shared on podcasts or I've shared on stages.
Speaker C:I have.
Speaker C:I can't tell you the amount of times that people have said, you don't understand how you changed my life.
Speaker C:I've had at least three people say, I was going to commit suicide.
Speaker C:I watched your show, your podcast, your event, and every time, like, none of this is about me.
Speaker C:It remind.
Speaker C:I am reminded in those moments where God says, this isn't about you.
Speaker C:I'm using you.
Speaker C:But those people have something to live for now because they.
Speaker C:You had courage to share something very vulnerable.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:And so I'm just getting started.
Speaker C:But it's not about me.
Speaker C:It's about those people that get to save their own lives because I had the courage to share my story.
Speaker B:And I'm proud of you for doing that.
Speaker B:And one of the things I love about this show, I never wanted a podcast.
Speaker B:I never set out to, oh, I'm just going to be a podcaster now.
Speaker B:God told me I was going to be a podcaster, and I said no, and he said yes, and I said no.
Speaker B:And that battle went on and he eventually won.
Speaker B:But what he told me when he told me to do this is that you're going to give a voice to the voiceless.
Speaker B:You're going to turn their mess into their message, and you're going to give it as a survival guide for someone else.
Speaker B:And then that's exactly after 150 episodes and three years of doing this, that has happened.
Speaker B:And I've seen lives transform because they come on this show and they share their story.
Speaker B:And I've had guests after the camera's off say, you know what?
Speaker B:I've never shared that part of my life with anybody.
Speaker B:Thank you for giving me a safe space to do that.
Speaker B:And those are the moments that I know that God is doing what he's meant to do.
Speaker B:Because I don't care if one person sees this or a million people see it the right person's going to see it, and that message will be right for them at that moment.
Speaker B:And as long as he keeps telling me that this is the platform for that to happen, I'm going to keep turning on the microphone and I'm going to keep doing this show.
Speaker B:And that is exactly why I love having people like you, because you've shared your story millions of times all over the world, but you haven't shared it here, and you haven't been asked it in the way that it's been asked here.
Speaker B:And it's going to hit somebody differently, and they're going to hear it differently, and they're going to feel safe enough to come out of their own shit and get the help that they need.
Speaker B:Because transformation is not external.
Speaker B:You can cut your hair, you can lose your weight, you can put on a blouse, but until you change your inside, your outside will always just be a mask.
Speaker B:And until you take off that internal trauma and forgive yourself for whatever part you played in it or didn't play in it, but blamed yourself for doing so, until that happens, talk therapy isn't going to help.
Speaker B:Massage therapy isn't going to help.
Speaker B:Hypnotherapy isn't going to help.
Speaker B:Inner connection to who you are and who you were meant to be is exactly how it's going to transform.
Speaker B:And you'll hear at the end of this show, everyone who listened to this show, the tagline that comes right after that.
Speaker B:It's not about the fight, it's about how we rise from it.
Speaker B:And that's exactly what you exemplify.
Speaker B:And it's why I love having people like you on my show.
Speaker B:And it's why I love having people like you in my tribe.
Speaker B:And that's why I'm honored to call you friend.
Speaker C:Thank you so much.
Speaker C:Thank you so much, Darrell.
Speaker C:That's powerful.
Speaker C:I appreciate that, and that's exactly how I feel.
Speaker B:So what do you want Martha's legacy to be?
Speaker C:Wow.
Speaker C:So somebody actually asked me this on a stage at a question and answer at Unbound.
Speaker C:And my answer is always the same.
Speaker C:God put this on my heart probably three or four years ago that I just.
Speaker C:Everybody that I meet, I want to leave them better than I found them.
Speaker C:And that will be my legacy.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:If I can.
Speaker C:Every single relationship I make and every single person that I meet, I'm able to.
Speaker C:To make their life better than the way that I found them, then I'm.
Speaker C:I'm living my legacy.
Speaker C:And that looks different with all the different things that I Get to do with my books, with my speaking with my events.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I have so many opportunities to touch people's lives and to help them step into their own healing and to hopefully leave them better than I found them.
Speaker B:So I'm going to ask you the last question that I ask all my guests.
Speaker B:And if you've been watching, you know what it is.
Speaker B:What does a warrior spirit mean to Martha?
Speaker C:So, and yes, I have been watching and I have heard this, asked many questions many times.
Speaker C:And I thought about this before I came on and I was like, he's going to ask me this.
Speaker C:What do I think about this?
Speaker C:And I've just learned to trust that spirit's going to show me exactly what I need to say.
Speaker C:I don't need to pre plan it.
Speaker C:And so a warrior spirit, what it means to me is to walk in perfect, perfect alignment with who God's created you to be and to own that I don't have to be anything else but who God created me to be.
Speaker C:And it's the easiest thing that I do now is because it's not work to be myself.
Speaker C:I just get to wake up and I get to be in gratitude and thankfulness and, and understand that getting to be in that place, place is a warrior spirit because I chose this.
Speaker C:I chose this.
Speaker C:I chose to be who God created me to be and not the victim that the whole world tried to make me.
Speaker B:I love that.
Speaker B:And I have said this to my daughter many times.
Speaker B:You're not able to decide what cards are dealt to you, but you are able to decide how you play them.
Speaker B:And every hand can be a winning hand if you choose it to be.
Speaker B:So continue playing your cards and thank you for joining me on this edition of A Warrior Spirit.
Speaker B:And I appreciate all you are and who you are, and I know that you are going to continue through this lifetime and the next, transforming lives as you go.
Speaker C:Thank you so much, Darrell.
Speaker C:This has been a pleasure.
Speaker C:I cannot believe my time's over.
Speaker C:I'm so sad.
Speaker B:It was a quick hour, right?
Speaker C:It was.
Speaker C:Thank you.
Speaker B:You're welcome.
Speaker B:And if you'd like to connect with Martha, you can do so on all of her sites at link bio, MarthaGlory, Kiritoi and as always, thank you for joining us on this edition of A Warrior Spirit.
Speaker B:We're now on all the major platforms as well as Roku via the Prospera TV app.
Speaker B:So be sure to like or subscribe to catch all the episode.
Speaker B:And as always, the journey is sacred.
Speaker B:The warrior is you.
Speaker B:So remember to be inspired be empowered and embrace the spirit of the warrior within.
Speaker C:You.
