The Dad Link
The interview culminates in a powerful message about the necessity for men to embrace their roles as fathers and the importance of seeking wisdom from spiritual teachings.
Michael emphasizes that the Bible offers profound guidance for parenting, encouraging fathers to model their behaviors on the relationship between God and Jesus. This spiritual framework not only aids fathers in their own journeys but also impacts the next generation.
Through Michael's experiences, listeners are reminded of the vital role emotional intelligence plays in fatherhood, urging men to navigate their feelings while providing stability and support for their families.
The episode concludes with a call to action for fathers to engage with their children actively and thoughtfully, ensuring a legacy of love and integrity.
Takeaways:
- The father serves as a crucial link between the family and God, emphasizing the importance of paternal involvement.
- Michael Feynman discusses his journey from feeling lost in childhood to finding purpose in empowering fathers.
- Understanding one's identity is essential for fathers to raise their children effectively and intentionally.
- The podcast highlights the significant role of fathers in shaping their children's spiritual values and relationships.
- Both speakers stress the need for men to express emotions without fear of societal judgment.
- Healthy communication and forgiveness are vital for fathers to break generational patterns of anger and frustration.
You can connect with Michael on his website at https://thedadlink.com/
Or on social media:
YouTube: www.youtube.com/@thedadlinkcommunity
FB: https://www.facebook.com/share/diLaSf87m1v6sL7i/?mibextid=LQQJ4d
Instagram: @thedadlink
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-n-fineman-2a844b13?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app
Transcript
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the Warrior Spirit, the show where the inner warrior shines in their light.
Darrell Snow:Brought to you by Praxis 33, the company that aligns your thoughts, goals and actions to create your best life.
Darrell Snow:I'm your host, Darrell Snow.
Darrell Snow:Today we're going to be talking to some fathers out there.
Darrell Snow:Parents often are, when people talk about parental issues, a lot of times they talk about it from the mom's side.
Darrell Snow:And today we're going to talk about it from the dad's side.
Darrell Snow:I have Michael Feynman.
Darrell Snow:Michael is the founder of dadlink.
Darrell Snow:It's an organization that's designed to empower fathers to develop a stronger and more intentional relationship with their children of all ages.
Darrell Snow:And we just are grateful for you, Michael.
Darrell Snow:Thank you for joining us.
Michael Feynman:Good to meet you.
Michael Feynman:Good to see you again.
Darrell Snow:Good to see you.
Darrell Snow:And dadlink, that's, that's an interesting name for the, the company.
Darrell Snow:Can you explain the.
Darrell Snow:The.
Darrell Snow:The name?
Michael Feynman:Yeah, yeah.
Michael Feynman:You know, Darrell, the, the, the link that connects family to God is the dad, right?
Michael Feynman:It's the father in heaven to the father and the family to the family.
Michael Feynman:And statistically, it shows that if the father goes to church, the family is somewhere around 70% more likely to go to church.
Michael Feynman:If the mother goes, it's about 15%.
Michael Feynman:So that's where the link part came in.
Darrell Snow:That's a definite discrepancy.
Darrell Snow:Where did you get your start?
Darrell Snow:As I know that you're a father first, you're also a faith based motivational speaker.
Darrell Snow:You, you know, bring people on this transfer, transformational journey.
Darrell Snow:But first and foremost, you're a father.
Darrell Snow:But where did you begin when you were your.
Darrell Snow:The son?
Darrell Snow:Where did your beginnings come?
Michael Feynman:Yeah, man, I have been in business most of my life.
Michael Feynman:Been in sales, marketing, business development, things of that nature.
Michael Feynman:But I've always been an encourager.
Michael Feynman:And one of my favorite people to listen to was Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:I love Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:I used to listen to him all the time.
Michael Feynman:So I met somebody as I was starting to kind of make videos, and I knew that I had a calling to help other fathers because I had experienced and overcome so much in fatherhood, through divorce and through lots of things that I'm sure we'll discuss today.
Michael Feynman:And I had the opportunity to meet Les Brown on the phone and I connected with him.
Michael Feynman:We made a great connection.
Michael Feynman:We actually ended up starting a company together called the Les Brown Prodigy Program.
Michael Feynman:And when I told my friends, hey, I connected with Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:I'm going to work with him.
Michael Feynman:I was so Excited.
Michael Feynman:And they said, yeah, that makes sense.
Michael Feynman:And I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand.
Michael Feynman:This is Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:I'm so excited.
Michael Feynman:You know, I love this guy.
Michael Feynman:They're like, yeah, this makes sense.
Michael Feynman:You're our Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:You're the guy around us that's our Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:So to us this makes perfect sense.
Michael Feynman:And so that really drove me.
Michael Feynman:And when I met with Les, he's probably one of the best encouragers I've ever met in my life.
Michael Feynman:And in our meeting when we were starting the business, he said, I think we're here for you.
Michael Feynman:I don't think we're here for me at all.
Michael Feynman:And so that was really cool.
Michael Feynman:And he just kind of lifted me up and gave me the confidence to move forward.
Michael Feynman:And not even knowing with what I was developing with him that I would be coaching with him.
Michael Feynman:And we had several thousand students in a course that we were coaching together.
Michael Feynman:And it was a lot of fun.
Michael Feynman:I learned a lot.
Darrell Snow:That's amazing.
Darrell Snow:I told you off camera, you know, I had always wanted to meet Zig Ziglar.
Darrell Snow:He was the first in the personal development space.
Darrell Snow:Les was around at that same time.
Darrell Snow:So Zig and Les were two big influences on my personal development arc.
Darrell Snow:And um, it's kind of cool for me because now I'm friends with someone who worked 20 years directly with Zig Ziglar and now someone who worked directly with Les Brown.
Darrell Snow:So that's what you're telling me.
Darrell Snow:I get to geek out a little bit on the idle side.
Michael Feynman:I mean, I love that world of self help, but when you bring it to the truth and the, and the, the bottom line of wisdom and where all of this self help kind of training comes from, it's all biblical.
Michael Feynman:And so when you really realize that and give credit where credit's due, it's pretty easy to flow in this in my mind, for me, anyway.
Darrell Snow:Well, what's interesting about your journey is that you were not like a lot of people who come into a Christ centered or Christ based field, come from it, from the standpoint of Christianity was the doctrination of their household.
Darrell Snow:It was how they were raised.
Darrell Snow:You weren't raised in a Catholic or a Christian type household, were you?
Michael Feynman:No, I was born and raised Jewish actually.
Michael Feynman:And it's, it's funny, I would often say I became a believer later when I found him.
Michael Feynman:And then I always correct myself and say, yeah, when he found me.
Michael Feynman:And yeah, I, you know, coming from Judaism, which is very religious rule driven type, you know, religion and Then coming into the freedom of understanding who Jesus is and, and following him and becoming a follower of him.
Michael Feynman:People want to put you in a box.
Michael Feynman:Oh, are you non denominational?
Michael Feynman:Are you Baptist?
Michael Feynman:Are you this?
Michael Feynman:No, I'm just Jesus.
Michael Feynman:I just follow Jesus.
Michael Feynman:You know, I'm just a guy who loves to follow him and what I believe in is him.
Michael Feynman:And it.
Michael Feynman:People short circuit, even in the Christian community, they really want to put it in a box.
Michael Feynman:But I don't.
Michael Feynman:I'm not a religion guy.
Michael Feynman:I'm a Jesus guy.
Michael Feynman:And a lot of people would agree and a lot of people would disagree that there needs to be some sort of strict doctrine.
Michael Feynman:But the word of God is the word of God, and so I just follow that and it makes it easy for me.
Michael Feynman:Man, Darrell, it's, it's a breeze for me to walk in that because I came from what, you know, Judaism was and how strict it was.
Darrell Snow:So where did you actually grow up?
Darrell Snow:And what was a childhood like in a, in a Jewish faith?
Darrell Snow:I'm not Jewish myself, so I'm not familiar with that.
Darrell Snow:What was that kind of childhood like?
Michael Feynman:So I grew up a little bit different.
Michael Feynman:I really wasn't in my home most of my life.
Michael Feynman:I was in boarding schools from 7 to 15.
Michael Feynman:Different places, different schools, different institutions and things like that.
Michael Feynman:So, you know, I grew up around Judaism.
Michael Feynman:I went to synagogue some, but I wasn't really heavy into it.
Michael Feynman:And at the time, my family was a little bit more what you would call reformed rather than conservative.
Michael Feynman:And with that, we focused more on, you know, the holidays and Sabbath and things like that.
Michael Feynman:So I understood it.
Michael Feynman:And then when it came time for my bar mitzvah, I actually had mano, and I was studying the portion that I was to read in the Torah, which is what happens when you're 13 and, and go through your bar mitzvah.
Michael Feynman:But I was sleeping all of the time, and my parents were really mad at me and thought I was being lazy and, you know, kind of cut it down from this big event to a little event.
Michael Feynman:And then at the end of the bar mitzvah, when we went home for my party, I went to bed and they went, wait a minute, something must be wrong.
Michael Feynman:And we found out I had mana the whole time.
Michael Feynman:So for me, the experience of Judaism and synagogue and all of those things was not very positive, honestly.
Michael Feynman:I was part of usy, which is United Synagogue Youth Group.
Michael Feynman:I was trying to connect, but I never felt the presence of God.
Michael Feynman:I never understood that you could have a relationship with God and So it was just a very different upbringing.
Michael Feynman:Although I love the culture, I love the memories, I love all of the traditions, I love the people.
Michael Feynman:I mean, Jews are just some of the most loving, close knit, unafraid to be themselves and show emotion.
Michael Feynman:A group of people that I've probably ever been connected to.
Michael Feynman:And so I consider myself a completed Jew because I never want to lose that connection.
Michael Feynman:And I also consider myself to have the double blessing because I'm Jewish and I'm a believer and I follow Jesus.
Michael Feynman:So I really feel like that's been a huge benefit to me.
Darrell Snow:When, when did you.
Darrell Snow:I don't want to say reform or convert.
Darrell Snow:I don't know the right word, which is bad for a wordsmith to not find the right word.
Darrell Snow:When did you, like, was there a dark period between your hallways of Judaism and your connection with Christ or did you just go right from one to the other?
Michael Feynman:No, there was a gap.
Michael Feynman:There was many years when I just didn't pay attention to God at all.
Michael Feynman:And I was on my own at 15 years old.
Michael Feynman:I had my own place.
Michael Feynman:I was in high school, I was working.
Michael Feynman:And it wasn't till about 15 years later when I married my son's mother and she had converted to Judaism.
Michael Feynman:But I think she did that more to just assimilate with my parents.
Michael Feynman:And we had the wedding.
Michael Feynman:And then maybe a year into the marriage or a year and a half, she realized I don't really practice and she wanted to go to church.
Michael Feynman:She was a believer before and had converted.
Michael Feynman:So I said, well, go ahead, you know, have at it, but I'm not going.
Michael Feynman:And so Sunday mornings they would go to church and I would go fishing in my boat.
Michael Feynman:And it was pretty cool.
Michael Feynman:I liked it actually.
Michael Feynman:And then eventually she convinced me to at least come and try to support the kids in church.
Michael Feynman:And I went to a place here that was a big non denominational church and it was pretty cool.
Michael Feynman:Like they had a.
Michael Feynman:It was almost like listening to a Les Brown.
Michael Feynman:It was a very practical message, something I could apply to my life.
Michael Feynman:I didn't understand the biblical part.
Michael Feynman:I loved the worship music.
Michael Feynman:That was fantastic.
Michael Feynman:As somewhat of a musician myself, I really enjoyed that.
Michael Feynman:And I, it wasn't so bad.
Michael Feynman:I said, okay, I'll go sometimes.
Michael Feynman:And.
Michael Feynman:And that went to going all of the time.
Michael Feynman:But I'll tell you, I went for seven years before I gave my life to Christ.
Michael Feynman:And the reason being is I was watching this walk of Christians that I could see that was so hypocrisy, so filled with Hypocrisy.
Michael Feynman:And it was.
Michael Feynman:They were great Christian on Sunday morning and the rest of the week, they were not even talking about God.
Michael Feynman:And, you know, I had a saying back then.
Michael Feynman:I'd say, you know, I could stand in my garage for three hours a week, but that does not make me a car.
Michael Feynman:And I do not see any Christianity in you outside of church, in this entire group.
Michael Feynman:I see no reason to give my life to Christ, but I'll go for the kids.
Michael Feynman:Eventually it got a hold of me.
Michael Feynman:And there was a pastor in South Carolina when we were living there that was just no holds barred.
Michael Feynman:And this guy said, hey, I see your grip in the pew when I do the altar call.
Michael Feynman:He's talking to the whole congregation.
Michael Feynman:Get your butt out of the pew, get up here and get saved.
Michael Feynman:And I'm like, yeah, okay.
Michael Feynman:And I just kind of went up there.
Michael Feynman:And then we ended up having this big baptism party.
Michael Feynman:And there was an overshadow of that day where my son's mom was not happy because it was on her birthday.
Michael Feynman:And I thought she would be thrilled, but she was not.
Michael Feynman:And so that kind of overshadowed it and, and muffled the whole experience.
Michael Feynman:And so I became kind of a covert Christian again.
Michael Feynman:I was, I was, I was a believer.
Michael Feynman:But there was no big rush.
Michael Feynman:I thought after seven years, you know, there would be a mighty rushing wind and a flame would be over my head and this would be amazing.
Michael Feynman:And it just didn't.
Michael Feynman:Didn't go like that.
Darrell Snow:Yeah, the.
Darrell Snow:There's.
Darrell Snow:There's a couple things.
Darrell Snow:It's funny because when I was in my creative writing class in high school, I wrote an article or a paper.
Darrell Snow:One of my papers was about how Christians, you know, only go to church to be seen in their good clothes.
Darrell Snow:They don't really go to practice their religion.
Darrell Snow:And I actually, somewhere.
Darrell Snow:We must have read the same little playbook because I've always used that same car analogy.
Darrell Snow:Sitting in the car.
Michael Feynman:That's awesome.
Darrell Snow:In the garage.
Darrell Snow:But when people ask, why are you not a believer?
Darrell Snow:The number one answer is, because I've seen other Christians and, you know, they, they don't walk what they talk.
Darrell Snow:Or they do the Bible thumping preaching, which silences more ears than it opens because they're.
Darrell Snow:They're thumping it so hard and they're not living it.
Darrell Snow:So.
Darrell Snow:But you also mentioned something that I think you kind of skated over at 15.
Darrell Snow:You were on your own.
Darrell Snow:Now, most 15 year olds are not on their own.
Darrell Snow:They don't have their own apartment.
Darrell Snow:So did you emancipate from your parents.
Darrell Snow:And what caused that rift?
Michael Feynman:Yeah, we didn't have to legally emancipate, but they did allow me to do that.
Michael Feynman:So growing up, I'll go back a little bit.
Michael Feynman:My mother, my biological mother passed away when I was 3, and she had a brain tumor for most of my life.
Michael Feynman:And so my brother was a year and a half old when she passed.
Michael Feynman:I was three.
Michael Feynman:And in that time period, she said to my father, I release you.
Michael Feynman:Go find a mother for my boys.
Michael Feynman:I know I'm leaving.
Michael Feynman:And so my father, being a very practical guy, you know, at 30 years old, loses his wife.
Michael Feynman:She was 29.
Michael Feynman:And for the.
Michael Feynman:You know, of course, he mourned for quite some time.
Michael Feynman:I'm sure I don't remember as much because I was three.
Michael Feynman:But for the next couple years, he was out dating, he was working.
Michael Feynman:We had a nanny that was taking care of us, and I was kind of on my own.
Michael Feynman:The nanny didn't really speak English, so there was a.
Michael Feynman:Looking back, and now, knowing what I know about children, that was a crucial time in my life when I just did not have the support I needed.
Michael Feynman:And so when he remarried, he married a woman who had her own issues from childhood and became very abusive and was very strict and was very.
Michael Feynman:You know, I don't know what the word is, but she was.
Michael Feynman:Her.
Michael Feynman:Her type of discipline did not include love.
Michael Feynman:And it was really tough on us.
Michael Feynman:And so I started kind of pushing back, and then I was protecting myself when I was pushing back because she came in, became physically abusive, and found myself out of the home, in.
Michael Feynman:In a.
Michael Feynman:In an institution, and.
Michael Feynman:Because I was the problem, apparently.
Michael Feynman:And, you know, children, when they're young, they can't communicate.
Michael Feynman:And so they communicate through their behavior, as you well know.
Michael Feynman:And this happens sometimes until they're adults or beyond, if they haven't learned how to manage communication skills.
Michael Feynman:And so I ended up in this school, and I just went from place to place to place.
Michael Feynman:A place would say, you know, to my parents, hey, he doesn't belong here.
Michael Feynman:This is a good kid.
Michael Feynman:And they would find another place that would take me.
Michael Feynman:And this went over and over and over until I was 15.
Michael Feynman:So at the age of 15, I'm in the judge's chambers with my father, and the judge looks at us, and he says, you know, you can't keep.
Michael Feynman:I'm looking at the file.
Michael Feynman:You can't just keep putting him from place to place.
Michael Feynman:It's time to transition him back into the home.
Michael Feynman:Well, I knew the system pretty well.
Michael Feynman:I'd been in it most of my life.
Michael Feynman:And I said, no, as soon as you send me home, judge, I'll go awol, and if you take me back, I'll go AWOL again.
Michael Feynman:Now, I knew that he couldn't place me if I said that.
Michael Feynman:And so he said, well, what would you propose we do, young man?
Michael Feynman:And I said, you know what?
Michael Feynman:Put me in juvie.
Michael Feynman:I'll do juvie until I'm 18, then I'll figure it out.
Michael Feynman:And he just sat back in his chair.
Michael Feynman:I'll never forget it.
Michael Feynman:And he said, you would choose jail over going home?
Michael Feynman:And I said, yeah, absolutely.
Michael Feynman:And he said, that's not going to happen.
Michael Feynman:So he looks at my father and he says, we need other options.
Michael Feynman:So one option as a Jew, was go live in a kibbutz in Israel.
Michael Feynman:But I knew I would have to go into the military shortly.
Michael Feynman:I did not want to do that.
Michael Feynman:I was not a guy that liked authority, as you can imagine, at that point.
Michael Feynman:Yeah.
Michael Feynman:And then the next option was I could go live with my grandmother down here, who is my biological's mom.
Michael Feynman:Biological mother's mom.
Michael Feynman:But I was estranged from her during that time.
Michael Feynman:My father had made a decision to keep her out of our lives.
Michael Feynman:And looking back, I understand why he made that decision.
Michael Feynman:And actually, I.
Michael Feynman:I don't agree with the way he did it, but I understand why he did it.
Michael Feynman:And it was a valid thought on his end because it was true what he was seeing and why he did that.
Michael Feynman:So I came to live with her.
Michael Feynman:She had been widowed.
Michael Feynman:You know, I heard that my dad say, palm Beach.
Michael Feynman:Your grandmother in Palm Beach.
Michael Feynman:I'm like, cha Ching.
Michael Feynman:I'm going to Palm Beach.
Michael Feynman:Here we go.
Michael Feynman:This is going to be awesome.
Michael Feynman:And I came down here, and she'd been widowed 20 years.
Michael Feynman:She lived in a wet bedroom apartment.
Michael Feynman:She didn't like to turn on her air conditioner.
Michael Feynman:And she was really set in her ways.
Michael Feynman:She had been a businesswoman most of her life.
Michael Feynman:Very strict, very, you know, strong woman, and.
Michael Feynman:But she melted when I got here.
Michael Feynman:And she became the mom I never had.
Michael Feynman:And she was amazing.
Michael Feynman:Unconditional love.
Michael Feynman:I could do no wrong.
Michael Feynman:She was awesome.
Michael Feynman:And I would come home reeking of marijuana, you know, and she would say, yeah, I better not smell what I think I smell.
Michael Feynman:And I'd say, you don't.
Michael Feynman:What do we have to eat?
Michael Feynman:You know?
Michael Feynman:And she.
Michael Feynman:She just loved me through that.
Michael Feynman:But I was on top of her in this tiny little apartment, like, really cramping her style.
Michael Feynman:And her lifestyle and everything.
Michael Feynman:So, and, and also I had been somewhat, what I thought was self sufficient for many years, so I was ready.
Michael Feynman:So my dad helped me pay for the, the efficiency that I rented and I think he covered the whole thing.
Michael Feynman:Even though I was working.
Michael Feynman:It was maybe 150amonth or something back then and, but he helped me move and I had a motorcycle.
Michael Feynman:You know, I was allowed to have a motorcycle.
Michael Feynman:He didn't want me to have a car because he was afraid I would cause him a lot of, you know, cost if I had a problem.
Michael Feynman:But I was allowed to have a motorcycle, so I had motorcycles.
Michael Feynman:I was in high school and I got a couple of jobs.
Michael Feynman:I was working on the weekend, I was working during the week, you know, pumping gas back then and moving furniture on the weekends and anything I could to stay afloat.
Michael Feynman:I was in a rock and roll band, speed metal back then.
Michael Feynman:But I always really kept my nose clean even during that time.
Michael Feynman:And so, yeah, it was a scary time.
Michael Feynman:Looking back, honestly, there were many nights that, you know, I, I showed a brave face, but I was pretty fearful.
Michael Feynman:Being alone at that age, it was hard and I felt very lonely during.
Darrell Snow:Those years and it, but you said that you were, you said you kept your nose clean but you were doing marijuana, which back then was like, today it's nothing.
Darrell Snow:Back then it was like really, especially in a parental aspect.
Darrell Snow:And then you were in a rock band, which, yeah, just saying I'm a young kid in a rock band instantly leads to, okay, you weren't so clean.
Darrell Snow:But I never went past marijuana.
Michael Feynman:I didn't drink like, and I even, you know, my friends would say, hey, let's, you know, let's party, let's get high.
Michael Feynman:And I'd be like, no, it's Sunday night, man, I got to work tomorrow, I'm out, I'm going home.
Michael Feynman:I got to get some rest.
Michael Feynman:At 15, 16, I knew these things instinctively.
Michael Feynman:And you know, I think all of these schools that I was in, there were all these people that parented me.
Michael Feynman:I always say, you know, I wasn't home with my parents.
Michael Feynman:I was out with 50 other parents that loved me, that taught me, that trained me, that spent time with me and that eye to eye, one on one time with your parent is so important.
Michael Feynman:I got it from probably 30, 40, 50 people.
Darrell Snow:So I, well, but were most of those females who were mothering you or were there some dad figures in there who were also fathering you?
Michael Feynman:Mostly dad figures because really, you know, they in those schools a lot of Times that the.
Michael Feynman:Either it was all boys or the, you know, the boys and the girls were separated, and I had therapists that were female and things like that, but most of the staff members that were in my area were men.
Darrell Snow:That's fortunate.
Darrell Snow:And again, when we look back at the lives that we've lived, we can often, even if we're not a believer at the time that we're living those lives, or even have a close relationship with God, if we are a believer, we can always see the hand of God working when we go back and look.
Darrell Snow:Yeah, you know, we can.
Darrell Snow:We can weave his thread throughout our lives, whether we were acknowledging it or not.
Darrell Snow:And just the fact that you had father figures instead of just mother figures really set the tone for.
Darrell Snow:For who you are today and what you are as far as a motivational, inspirational person who has also, you know, created, you know, the dad link.
Darrell Snow:So this here, when you started, this was the inspiration from this part of the fathering that you also got along the way.
Darrell Snow:Did.
Darrell Snow:Did it play a root in it?
Michael Feynman:Absolutely.
Michael Feynman:I mean, if you think about all of the wisdom that was poured into me over the years by all of these different fathers, I learned more fathering techniques, and I knew the things that impacted me greatly.
Michael Feynman:I knew the things that impacted my peers greatly.
Michael Feynman:I could see it.
Michael Feynman:I knew the things that didn't work well.
Michael Feynman:And of course, we have to do trial and error as dads.
Michael Feynman:You know, we.
Michael Feynman:We make mistakes, and hopefully we learn from them.
Michael Feynman:But even with all of that training, my parenting style was that of my stepmother, who kind of ruled the roost at the house and inadvertently was discipline without love.
Michael Feynman:I did not want that.
Michael Feynman:I swore I would never do that, but sure as could be, I did.
Michael Feynman:And I didn't mean to, but it was my natural reaction, because boys are led more is caught than is taught.
Michael Feynman:So whoever's running the home, which should be the father.
Michael Feynman:But in that case, it was not.
Michael Feynman:I followed what I was taught, and I became what I was taught.
Michael Feynman:I went back then, once I got conscious of that, to all of the training I got growing up in all of these places and started to glean from that and.
Michael Feynman:And, you know, take notes on what changed my life, what was helpful, what was not helpful.
Michael Feynman:You know, there's a guy in there that taught me how to play guitar, spent time with me, teaching me how to play guitar.
Michael Feynman:It was amazing.
Michael Feynman:There was another guy that used to get permission to take me home on the weekends because I didn't.
Michael Feynman:Most kids went home a lot.
Michael Feynman:I didn't and, you know, I just wasn't invited home.
Michael Feynman:And so he would take me and it, you know, he would show me the old black and white movies of men, you know, Humphrey Bogart and all that.
Michael Feynman:And he would say, okay, aside from the lighting the cigarettes and slapping, you know, this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman.
Michael Feynman:And he would teach me about chivalry and being a gentleman and all of those things.
Michael Feynman:Very, very specific training from him, which I then instilled into my son.
Michael Feynman:And he probably doesn't know that.
Michael Feynman:I wish I could talk, tell him that today.
Darrell Snow:The thing that you said about not wanting to be what we grew up in, I relate to that from the abusive relationship that I came out of.
Darrell Snow:And I.
Darrell Snow:I look back, when I married my first wife, she had three children, and so I was an instant father.
Darrell Snow:And I look back at those.
Darrell Snow:The oldest daughter was 11, and she would often come and give me a hug.
Darrell Snow:And instead of embracing this young child who just wanted a hug, my mind would instantly go, what does this person want from me?
Darrell Snow:Like, what are they trying to.
Darrell Snow:What.
Darrell Snow:What is it they're trying to?
Darrell Snow:What do they want?
Darrell Snow:Yeah, right.
Darrell Snow:And so I found, you know, myself being a very angry father and a very.
Darrell Snow:I was never abusive to my children like my mom was to me, but I was verbally angry all the time.
Darrell Snow:And I look back at that relationship, and even though she and I divorced after seven years, the youngest daughter was two, and she's been my daughter ever since.
Darrell Snow:She's now 26, and she and I are still father daughter relationship.
Darrell Snow:And my middle child was a boy.
Darrell Snow:And I look back at how hard I was on him mentally and verbally.
Darrell Snow:And he really wanted to play football.
Darrell Snow:He was really good at football.
Darrell Snow:But because he wouldn't practice at full tilt all the time, instead of encouraging him on how good he was, I would tell him how he'll never make it because he's not.
Darrell Snow:He's not giving his full effort.
Darrell Snow:Right?
Darrell Snow:And again, if I'd have had the healing part of me corrected like I do now, I wonder if maybe he would have went on to.
Darrell Snow:Instead of going into the Marine Corps, which destroyed his life, if he would have went on to college and played football, because he would have had that love and encouragement of what he was passionate about.
Darrell Snow:So, you know, we do tend to parent the way we learn.
Darrell Snow:And in part of that, as we heal, we need to also then remember that they were parenting from what they learned.
Darrell Snow:And that's where some of the forgiveness for what you Know, the abuse that I suffered or you suffered, maybe can happen because we understand and we can forgive.
Darrell Snow:Okay.
Darrell Snow:They were only using the tools that were in their toolbox, and it was a shitty toolbox.
Darrell Snow:So, yeah, you know, no, our story's parallel.
Michael Feynman:I didn't realize, Darrell, how close they were.
Michael Feynman:I.
Michael Feynman:I did the same.
Michael Feynman:I married a woman with three kids.
Michael Feynman:They were 8, 9, and 11.
Michael Feynman:The boy was the oldest.
Michael Feynman:And I was not as hard on him, although I was demanding of him because he was brilliant.
Michael Feynman:Still is.
Michael Feynman:And.
Michael Feynman:But he was a video gamer, and I was not.
Michael Feynman:I was not allowed to play video games growing up, so I didn't like video games.
Michael Feynman:I was kind of opposed to them instead of.
Michael Feynman:But I was verbally abusive to all of them, like you said.
Michael Feynman:I was just angry.
Michael Feynman:And I was angry because.
Michael Feynman:Because I.
Michael Feynman:Very shortly into the marriage, I realized their mom had lied to me about so many things.
Michael Feynman:I was just mad, and I should have left right then and there.
Michael Feynman:It would have probably done us all better.
Michael Feynman:But God has a better plan.
Michael Feynman:I didn't want to leave.
Michael Feynman:I didn't want to divorce.
Michael Feynman:I didn't want to do that.
Michael Feynman:I figured we could work through this.
Michael Feynman:But I married someone that was similar to my stepmom, and I think that.
Michael Feynman:That, you know, that's just kind of how it goes.
Michael Feynman:I loved my kids.
Michael Feynman:I.
Michael Feynman:I wanted to give them everything I could, and I did.
Michael Feynman:I was very selfless with them, but I was angry.
Michael Feynman:And my girls especially were.
Michael Feynman:You know, they're teenage girls.
Michael Feynman:They were kind of conniving a little bit, and I did not like that.
Michael Feynman:I took that personally as an insult.
Michael Feynman:And I blew up all the time.
Michael Feynman:You know, I learned the spirit of offense from.
Michael Feynman:From my family.
Michael Feynman:And some of them, unfortunately, still walk in that.
Michael Feynman:Where I was easily offended, and the kids offended me greatly.
Michael Feynman:And I would take it out on them.
Michael Feynman:And I never hit them physically, but I would do hard labor.
Michael Feynman:I would make them do really difficult tasks when they screwed up.
Michael Feynman:And I was just.
Michael Feynman:It was harsh discipline.
Michael Feynman:I didn't mean to.
Michael Feynman:I honestly wanted the best for them.
Michael Feynman:I honestly love them.
Michael Feynman:I didn't even really.
Michael Feynman:It was just like you said, I wasn't healed.
Michael Feynman:And their mom was not supportive.
Michael Feynman:She undermined almost everything I did, which made it even worse, because I was mad at her, too.
Michael Feynman:It was a mess.
Michael Feynman:And then we had a child.
Michael Feynman:And looking back, that's the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.
Michael Feynman:And my son and I.
Michael Feynman:He's almost 18.
Michael Feynman:We're so close.
Michael Feynman:We have a Very, very, very tight relationship.
Michael Feynman:And the fruit that I see in him is the.
Michael Feynman:Is what gave me the guts to step out and start doing this.
Michael Feynman:I actually started with identity because I realized the reason I was that way as a parent is I did not know my identity.
Michael Feynman:And I, you know, if you think about.
Michael Feynman:If you look back at my life and I was in all these different places and with all these different things, I really didn't know who I was, and I didn't know whose I was.
Michael Feynman:And when I started to understand identity, I wanted to help young people with identity because we have this massive identity crisis, and you can see it in the behavior of kids today.
Michael Feynman:But as I was doing that, it created a program called Identity University.
Michael Feynman:God redirected me in.
Michael Feynman:In journaling one day and said, you know, who sets the identity in the family?
Michael Feynman:And I said, you do.
Michael Feynman:You know, I'm writing all this out and.
Michael Feynman:No.
Michael Feynman:Who in the family sets identity?
Michael Feynman:Oh, the father.
Michael Feynman:And in fact, what he taught me is the father gives him their last name.
Michael Feynman:He gives them their complete identity.
Michael Feynman:He shows them where they came from and who they are and what they're supposed to be like.
Michael Feynman:And I realized if I'm helping the youth, but I'm not helping the fathers, then I'm not doing the family any kind of service, because I might help the youth, but they're still going to be the kind of father that their father was, you know, naturally, unless they learn out of it.
Michael Feynman:But if I help the father to shift gears, because at any point in life, the father can shift gears and get healed, I've learned that.
Michael Feynman:And if I can help the father shift gears, change his filter of his father on the earth to the Heavenly Father and change that filter in his mind and see the heavenly Father as a perfect father and start to be molded by him and become a great father, if I can do that well, then the kid's going to be healed by the Father, which is the right way for that to happen.
Michael Feynman:That's the right order.
Michael Feynman:And then legacies will get changed, trajectories will get changed, and.
Michael Feynman:And generationally, things will.
Michael Feynman:Will change.
Michael Feynman:Break chains.
Michael Feynman:Amazing.
Darrell Snow:I can.
Darrell Snow:My.
Darrell Snow:My father, my earthly father adopted my sister and I when we were.
Darrell Snow:When I was 10, when he married my mother.
Darrell Snow:And he is the most.
Darrell Snow:Or was.
Darrell Snow:He passed.
Darrell Snow:But he was the most integrous, honorable man.
Darrell Snow:And some of the pillars that he installed in me, the integrity, the work ethic, the word is your bond.
Darrell Snow:All of those things I have passed down to my children and my current wife.
Darrell Snow:I want to say only wife, because there's not a next one after that.
Darrell Snow:But my wife had a son, and he was 24 when I came into his life.
Darrell Snow:And he calls me dad, and my daughter calls me dad.
Darrell Snow:And we have this father, son, daughter, son relationship.
Darrell Snow:Even though there's no biology there, it's because I have that embodiment of what a father is supposed to be.
Darrell Snow:And even though they're now grown, our son is 30.
Darrell Snow:He'll be 34, and my daughter's 26.
Darrell Snow:They still call and they say, you know, hey, what about this?
Darrell Snow:And this?
Darrell Snow:And they'll ask for advice, or even better, they'll want to come hang out on a Thursday night and just, you know, have dinner.
Darrell Snow:And when your grown children want to come back into your house and just hang with you, you know, that's when you know you're doing it right.
Michael Feynman:That's right.
Michael Feynman:That's the fruit.
Michael Feynman:That's the fruit.
Michael Feynman:One of my best friends had that.
Michael Feynman:You know, his kids were so connected to him, and I met him in church.
Michael Feynman:We were serving together in children's ministry, and I was doing worship, leading worship for the kids, and I asked him to mentor me, and he said, I'll pray about it.
Michael Feynman:And he never got back to me.
Michael Feynman:Now, knowing him now, that means the Lord said no.
Michael Feynman:He just.
Michael Feynman:That's just how he is.
Michael Feynman:You know, we're really close friends now, but his kids are all adults, and they all live within a couple miles of the house.
Michael Feynman:You know, his daughter just got married, naturally built an apartment onto the house with her new husband, and they.
Michael Feynman:They're so thrilled to be there.
Michael Feynman:I want that, you know, And I learned this thing in a program I was in called JH Outback, which is an awesome weekend event.
Michael Feynman:It's now called JC Wilderness in Palm Beach.
Michael Feynman:And I love it.
Michael Feynman:It's a different program, but similar.
Michael Feynman:And I like it a lot.
Michael Feynman:Some of my friends.
Michael Feynman:A lot of my friends are part of it, and I served there for a long time, but they taught something about parenthood.
Michael Feynman:And JH Outback, they said that you go from caregiver to cop, to coach to consultant.
Michael Feynman:I actually did a keynote on this.
Michael Feynman:So as caregiver, they're infants.
Michael Feynman:They need everything from.
Michael Feynman:You take care of them, you feed them, you change them, you guide them, you care for them, you protect them.
Michael Feynman:As cop, now you're starting to give them a little bit of, you know, they're running around, they're toddlers now.
Michael Feynman:You're giving them direction.
Michael Feynman:Don't do this you are allowed to do that, but you're not allowed to do this.
Michael Feynman:Stop.
Michael Feynman:Too many cookies, you know, that kind of thing.
Michael Feynman:And then they become their coach.
Michael Feynman:When they're probably maybe eight or nine, you start to become their coach.
Michael Feynman:But not, sorry, eight or nine, around 12 or 13.
Michael Feynman:And the reason that, you know it's time to become their coach is because they'll be obedient.
Michael Feynman:When you say, sit down, they'll sit down, but you can see the defiance in their eyes.
Michael Feynman:And they're.
Michael Feynman:In their mind, they're standing up with their chest puffed out in front of you, bucking up to you.
Michael Feynman:But the truth is, it's just time to shift gears.
Michael Feynman:And so you become their coach.
Michael Feynman:And now, you know, I had a conversation with my son.
Michael Feynman:You're 13.
Michael Feynman:In Judaism, that would mean that you were, at the time of being a man, your relationship now with God, that all the things I've taught you, your relationship with God is now your responsibility.
Michael Feynman:I will still coach you, but it's time for you to take responsibility.
Michael Feynman:And I'm going to be here to catch you.
Michael Feynman:Don't worry about falling.
Michael Feynman:You're going to, but I got you.
Michael Feynman:I'll help you up.
Michael Feynman:But the hardest part of that is as they start to grow.
Michael Feynman:I would see a pit in front of him, and I would watch him walk right towards it.
Michael Feynman:I would say, son, there's a pit in front of you.
Michael Feynman:Don't go that way.
Michael Feynman:And he would look back at me and he would keep going, and I would say, okay.
Michael Feynman:And I would have to really quietly watch him fall into that pit.
Michael Feynman:I coached him, I told him what not to do, But I could see on this thing he needed to learn on his own.
Michael Feynman:He would fall in the pit, and I would come over to the pit and I would look down and I would say, I can't pull you out, but I'm going to teach you how to get out.
Michael Feynman:And.
Michael Feynman:And that's some of the hardest things to do as a dad and why moms want to coddle their kids and not do this because they don't have that.
Michael Feynman:The ability to be tough with their boy.
Michael Feynman:You know, boys and girls with that way.
Michael Feynman:So then you help them out.
Michael Feynman:But if you do a good job of transitioning to coach when it's time and you do a good job of coaching, you then get to be their consultant.
Michael Feynman:And that's the stage you're in now, and that lasts forever.
Michael Feynman:For the rest of their lives, when they're not sure what to do, they call you and the beauty of that is instead of going to their friends, which is the blind leading the blind, they're coming to someone with wisdom, with character, with integrity, like yourself, that can pour into them and guide them in the right way.
Michael Feynman:And you know them so intimately, you pretty much know what's going to connect with them and what's not and how to guide them and how to help them and to remind them.
Michael Feynman:Remember when you were in this pit, remember how you got out, Remember what you did?
Michael Feynman:Okay, this is pretty close to that same scenario.
Michael Feynman:You're just not seeing it from that direction.
Michael Feynman:To be able to do that with your kids, man, that's the fruit of all the work that is required of being an intentional parent.
Michael Feynman:And it's worth more than any riches on this planet.
Darrell Snow:In my mind, I absolutely see the progression of those pillars and I see the consultant area and where they're coming back now and asking for, freely asking for the advice, you know.
Darrell Snow:But you reminded me of a funny story of my daughter.
Darrell Snow:She was, I don't know, nine or 10 when I had divorced her mom.
Darrell Snow:So it was my weekend to have her.
Darrell Snow:And I have always taught my kids that everything you do has consequences.
Darrell Snow:Some are good, some are, some are bad, but everything you do has consequences.
Michael Feynman:That's right.
Darrell Snow:And so I had advised her to not ride her bike hands free on our road because it wasn't a smooth road and it was somewhat downhill.
Darrell Snow:So I'm in the house and I get a knock on the door and this lady is bringing my child to me with blood on her arms and skinned up knees.
Darrell Snow:And you know, I'm like, well, what happened?
Darrell Snow:And she's like, well, I fell off my bike.
Darrell Snow:I'm like, okay, what were you going no handed?
Darrell Snow:Well, yes.
Darrell Snow:Okay, are you anything broken?
Darrell Snow:No.
Darrell Snow:Okay, well, go back out and play.
Darrell Snow:And the lady is yelling at me, aren't you going to take her to the hospital?
Darrell Snow:Aren't you going to take her to the doctor?
Darrell Snow:I'm like, no, I told her not to do what she did.
Darrell Snow:She suffered her consequences.
Darrell Snow:Nothing is broken.
Darrell Snow:She learned her lesson and now she can go play again.
Darrell Snow:What do you want me to do?
Darrell Snow:I love it, I love it.
Michael Feynman:But we have that ability as dads to do that.
Michael Feynman:And you know, that's why they're supposed to be two parents.
Michael Feynman:That's why there's supposed to be a mother and a father.
Michael Feynman:And even in a divorce situation, you should be promoting the other parent being involved and allowing and engaging and making opportunity for the other parent to be involved.
Michael Feynman:Because they need both terribly like.
Darrell Snow:And so in the divorce, because divorce is half of marriage in these days, probably even more these days.
Michael Feynman:It's in the 60% range.
Darrell Snow:Yeah, that's horrible.
Darrell Snow:Church too.
Darrell Snow:Even as horrible as my ex wife was, I never, the, I never said bad words about her in front of the children when it was, you know, my turn to have them.
Darrell Snow:Yeah, she made her own life.
Darrell Snow:They will be old enough to eventually see it.
Darrell Snow:I don't need to put my bias on them because they should still, if possible, have a relationship with their mother.
Darrell Snow:So I never, ever.
Darrell Snow:And I think that's where people often make a mistake in divorce, is that they weaponize their children against the other parent.
Darrell Snow:And I see this with one of my best friends, you know, his ex wife weaponizes their young children and it really doesn't make for an amicable life for the kid or the parents.
Darrell Snow:I don't, I don't think that's the right tactic.
Michael Feynman:You know, I wish, Darrell, that I was healed enough to do what you did, but I was not.
Michael Feynman:I was still triggered by his mother consistently and she was consistently doing things that were trying to alienate the two of us.
Michael Feynman:And my son would come home and speak her words at me and I would, I would, you know, project on him and scream at him when I was really screaming at her.
Michael Feynman:And I, man, I had such a hard time during those years just trying to maintain and.
Michael Feynman:But at, you know, when, when we got divorced, my, with my step kids, she was telling anyone who would listen a lot of things that were not true.
Michael Feynman:And I just made a decision then.
Michael Feynman:I said, you know, Jesus didn't defend himself.
Michael Feynman:The whole time he went to the cross, he didn't say a word.
Michael Feynman:I believe that my kids know me well enough to know that's not true.
Michael Feynman:And I didn't say anything that was a mistake because that, because she said it so often and so much with no rebuttal for me that it became truth and it was not truth.
Michael Feynman:And it was very character directed stuff that was hurtful and really damaged the relationship between my stepdaughters.
Michael Feynman:And I completely and most of what was said was not true.
Michael Feynman:And it really hurt me.
Michael Feynman:So with my son, I decided I'm not doing that.
Michael Feynman:I would speak against it, but it always came out angry and frustrated and loud and, you know, I was really just mad at her and he had to hear it.
Michael Feynman:And I wish I hadn't done that.
Michael Feynman:We healed through that.
Michael Feynman:I apologized, we've prayed through that, we've worked through that.
Michael Feynman:We've talked through those days quite a bit just to, you know, ensure that he understood that that's not okay for me to do.
Michael Feynman:That was my behavior issues.
Michael Feynman:That was things I should have controlled as a man.
Michael Feynman:And I was allowing my emotions to.
Michael Feynman:To drive me.
Michael Feynman:I've never been taught how to be a man, really.
Michael Feynman:So what I didn't know is that my emotions are not supposed to drive me as a man.
Michael Feynman:I am supposed to be more calm, cool, and collect and use wisdom rather than emotion.
Michael Feynman:Women, you know, have storms all day long and in their emotions.
Michael Feynman:And as a man, to be in my masculine.
Michael Feynman:This is something I was taught by a group called warriors and Queens, which is an amazing organization.
Michael Feynman:I am supposed to be able to be that rock during those storms and help her through her emotions.
Michael Feynman:If I respond with emotion, then we just both go off the tracks.
Michael Feynman:So I had to learn that with my son.
Michael Feynman:And I wish I had done better now today.
Michael Feynman:And at about 13 or 14, my son came to me one day and he said, dad, all of the things that my mom said about you aren't true.
Michael Feynman:I see who you are, and as a man, and you're not what she said, you are what you said, he said.
Michael Feynman:But I didn't believe it, and I'm so sorry.
Michael Feynman:And I was like, whoa, this kid's amazing.
Michael Feynman:Like, he.
Michael Feynman:It was incredible.
Michael Feynman:And so that's what led to me apologizing, talking through all the times I was, you know, screaming for no reason.
Michael Feynman:I was angry.
Michael Feynman:Now, during this whole time of being my son's dad, I had Crohn's disease, and I was pretty sick, and it ate up 85% of my bandwidth, yet I still outperformed most of my peers.
Michael Feynman:It was a very difficult time.
Michael Feynman:And I still am not 100% healed physically, although spiritually I know that I am.
Michael Feynman:But I was in pain, like, 8 to 10 level of pain most days, and my son had to go through that.
Michael Feynman:And most of his childhood.
Michael Feynman:I was sick and I was helping him.
Michael Feynman:I was doing all the things that dad could do, spending time, taking him out, playing with him.
Michael Feynman:But I.
Michael Feynman:You know, we'd come home at 6, 6:30, I was done.
Michael Feynman:I would have to lay down for the rest of the night.
Michael Feynman:I would give every.
Michael Feynman:Every ounce of energy I had, and then I would just lay there in pain.
Michael Feynman:And he had to.
Michael Feynman:He had to go through that, and he had to see a lot of things.
Michael Feynman:But the.
Michael Feynman:The healing that has happened between then and now, because I was open, because I was not trying to Be prideful because I was just very humble about it and I came to him and apologized and was transparent about what happened as I was becoming really healed.
Michael Feynman:Changed everything for us.
Michael Feynman:And I know that my ceiling will be his floor.
Michael Feynman:He will be an amazing father because he will have all the things that I instilled in him without the anger because thank God, he won't be in that pain either, you know, and that was really difficult to manage as a single father.
Darrell Snow:Very.
Darrell Snow:It still is, I think.
Darrell Snow:And I'm sorry to interrupt that thing, but I.
Darrell Snow:I think it's important that we also clarify.
Darrell Snow:It's not that men are not supposed to have their emotion or have other emotions like vulnerability and, and empathy and all that other stuff.
Michael Feynman:Yeah.
Darrell Snow:But in those moments of emotional times, it's important that we are more solid.
Darrell Snow:And not adding emotion tends to add to chaos because calm solution seeking ends.
Darrell Snow:It's all just about the emotion.
Darrell Snow:So it's not that men are supposed to be emotionless.
Darrell Snow:They're supposed to just manage them more than.
Darrell Snow:I've always said that society only allows us one emotion as men, anger.
Darrell Snow:That's the only one that they acknowledge.
Darrell Snow:It's the only one they accept.
Darrell Snow:It's the only one that they.
Darrell Snow:Now they don't want to see it all the time.
Darrell Snow:They don't, they don't want it, but they acknowledge it.
Darrell Snow:But if you have the empathy and the sympathy and the tears and the vulnerability that gets downgraded by society, which is a shame because we're supposed to have full range of emotion.
Darrell Snow:We're just supposed to manage them, you know, better than, Than just letting the emotions manage us.
Michael Feynman:Yeah, yeah, totally.
Michael Feynman:In a relationship with a woman, we're going to have those emotions.
Michael Feynman:But when, you know, our.
Michael Feynman:In order to be her rock, to allow her to be fully in her feminine, our masculine has to be able to just manage that and park those emotions for the moment to be able to help her through hers.
Michael Feynman:Now I think in a good marriage you should be able to share those at another time when things are not stressful or chaotic.
Michael Feynman:But during those times we want, you know, we want as a society women to be in their feminine.
Michael Feynman:And they're not right now, most of them.
Michael Feynman:And the reason being is men are not being men.
Michael Feynman:And so women don't feel safe and so they step up into this masculine place that they're not supposed to be in to try to protect and guide their family.
Michael Feynman:And there's so many single moms out there that have to do this and that's Why I created the program Boy mom, where I'm helping moms kind of, you know, bring boys into men, which is not really possible, but it is if they use the tools of, you know, finding coaches to help their boys, finding men to mentor.
Michael Feynman:Because it takes a man to make a man.
Michael Feynman:A woman just will never be able to do it.
Michael Feynman:She can love her sons, she can bring them into successful lives, but to become a man, it takes another man to make a man.
Michael Feynman:It just does.
Michael Feynman:And so if you give them the tools and you give them permission to, hey, you don't need to be married, you don't have to have a boyfriend so that your.
Michael Feynman:Your boys have, you know, a father figure, there's other ways to find them.
Michael Feynman:But go find them and allow that and make room for that, make space for that if their father isn't stepping up.
Darrell Snow:I think one of the things I look at my marriage now, I have taught her how to soften into her femininity again, and she's taught me how to be vulnerable without thinking that it's feminizing or demasculating me.
Darrell Snow:So we've helped each other heal those old wounds that we brought to the table.
Darrell Snow:But it's because we do things through God and our faith.
Darrell Snow:And, you know, we don't necessarily subscribe to the fact that you have to go to church to have that.
Darrell Snow:That walk.
Darrell Snow:We, you know, feel that we can find that in our own way, but it is a center of our focus.
Darrell Snow:You know, we know how much we've been blessed and how much our lives have been saved because of that hand of God that has weaved its way through both of our lives.
Darrell Snow:And so we acknowledge that as, you know, let's serve God first, and then we've healed each other through that along the way.
Darrell Snow:So, yeah, you and I could probably talk for six more hours about all this stuff easily.
Michael Feynman:Dude, we have so much in common.
Michael Feynman:So much, so many parallels.
Michael Feynman:But this is why guys like us step out and do these things, because we know how many men are hurting and how many men are silently suffering.
Michael Feynman:And, you know, the suicide rates have gone through the roof.
Michael Feynman:And it just gets to a point with some of us where we just say, enough.
Michael Feynman:I can't sit around and listen to the troubles without trying to make an impact or a difference or somehow bring some goodness to the world and.
Michael Feynman:And speak to men and be vulnerable enough to come out and do things like this.
Michael Feynman:Look, when we put ourselves out like this, Daryl, you know, you open yourself up for all kinds of.
Michael Feynman:Of crap.
Michael Feynman:I mean, even just trying to.
Michael Feynman:I'm involved in several Facebook groups and trying to help men.
Michael Feynman:I've probably.
Michael Feynman:Probably been called a simp more times than, you know, I can count.
Michael Feynman:And I know where that comes from.
Michael Feynman:That's from a really.
Michael Feynman:A guy that's really afraid, and when he's in fear like that, he's gonna lash out.
Michael Feynman:I know.
Michael Feynman:I was that guy.
Michael Feynman:I got it.
Michael Feynman:I was that, you know, tough guy.
Michael Feynman:You know, screw you.
Michael Feynman:I'm not talking about my emotions for a long time.
Michael Feynman:Even though I was very capable of going deep, I wouldn't because I didn't want to appear weak.
Darrell Snow:Yeah.
Michael Feynman:And I'm right there with you, man.
Michael Feynman:Like, we have to speak out.
Michael Feynman:Men don't congregate like women do.
Michael Feynman:I'm in a lot of men's Bible studies, so I tend to kind of go against that.
Michael Feynman:But most men don't congregate with a bunch of men to talk about things hard.
Michael Feynman:And I'm glad that you and I are doing this, and I'm glad that you're doing this in the show because we need to speak up.
Darrell Snow:Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's an important topic that will heal not only ourselves, but others and society and make that next generation not have to be as wounded going into their adulthood as we were.
Darrell Snow:But as we're kind of coming to a close here, if there's someone out there, a man out there who is listening to you, whether they walk tightly with Christ or just are walking kind of blindly on their own, they still want to be a good father and a good parent.
Darrell Snow:What would be the one advice, piece of advice you'd give that man who's listening to you right now?
Michael Feynman:Study the relationship between the Father and the Son.
Michael Feynman:There was this reciprocal obedience.
Michael Feynman:Well, obviously Jesus was obedient to the Father, but Jesus said, I only do what I see my father do.
Michael Feynman:I only say what I hear my father say.
Michael Feynman:That's huge.
Michael Feynman:And what that does is that helps you realize that the wisdom that you need comes from this.
Michael Feynman:There is wisdom in this book, and it will teach you.
Michael Feynman:When people say there's no guidebook for being parents, that's not true.
Michael Feynman:The guidebook is right here in the word of God.
Michael Feynman:Even if you're not a believer, there's wisdom in it.
Michael Feynman:You're hearing teachings out in the world that are not giving credit where credit's due, but are biblical wisdom.
Michael Feynman:And there is no wisdom like biblical wisdom.
Michael Feynman:It is the wisdom of God rather than our little pea sized brain.
Michael Feynman:We can lean on the wisdom of the Lord.
Michael Feynman:And I'm telling you, it will change your life.
Michael Feynman:It doesn't mean you need to convert to Christianity, but there's freedom in that.
Michael Feynman:And if you will study that word, you will find how to be a father.
Darrell Snow:I love your message.
Darrell Snow:I'm going to ask you the final question that I ask all of my guests.
Darrell Snow:What does a warrior spirit mean to Michael Feynman or having a warrior spirit?
Michael Feynman:I think touching base on what we just said.
Michael Feynman:It's being willing to stand up and talk about what you believe in and stand for what you believe in and not care what anybody else says.
Michael Feynman:The only person that I care about on how they see me is my father in heaven and my son.
Michael Feynman:I don't care what anyone else thinks of me.
Michael Feynman:I know who I am.
Michael Feynman:I know whose I am.
Michael Feynman:And to be a warrior means to stand up for what you believe in and unashamedly be willing to step up and share the glory of God and the truth about who you are without fear of reproach.
Darrell Snow:Well, I appreciate that you are in my circle now and know getting to know you, it is amazing.
Darrell Snow:The things that you do and the things that you are bringing to the table are definitely necessary, especially at this tumultuous time in our society.
Darrell Snow:Men stepping up to be men again and being fathers to their children is an important message for sure.
Darrell Snow:So I appreciate you and I thank you for joining me today.
Michael Feynman:Thank you, brother.
Michael Feynman:I appreciate what you're doing too.
Michael Feynman:It's great to spend time with you and I look forward to more.
Darrell Snow:Thank you.
Darrell Snow:And if you would like to connect with Michael, you can certainly do so on his website, the dadlink.com or on his YouTube channel at the DadLink community.
Darrell Snow:And as always, I want to thank you for joining us on this edition of A Warrior Spirit.
Darrell Snow:Be sure to hit that like or subscribe button so you catch all the episodes.
